Porn always gets a bad rap. Family groups, media, and governments are always quick to point fingers at our industry. These groups function within a traditionalist and reactionary paradigm, where “problems” are identified and codified and a “solution” is proposed. As America’s “War on” abstractions get thrown about, there is a delicious little hidden irony in the developing battles with online porn. As much as dear old Dubya is sure that slimy porn greases and fuels the apocalypse machine, one fact remains: online porn is environmentally friendly.Instead of a large warehouse and sales space, online porn is sold on waste-free websites (shout-out to all the girls who swallow… you’re doing your part). Instead of an object gathering dust while its package decomposes over the next million years, purchased porn leaves no footprint, even when it’s no longer used. Heck, even BiohazardBitches.com won’t result in a three-eyed monkey and schools of sickly, mutated fish. As we worry about peak oil, ozone depletion, and over-consumption, is this fact not significant?

I used to work for a video game company; another fun-based suspension of disbelief industry with its own share of skeptics, nay-sayers, and denouncers. And just as I defended games then, I defend porn now. I remember how often non-gamers stood with mouths agape once I told them that players were willing to pay real money for virtual objects and property in online worlds. “But you’re not even paying for anything REAL.”

Yes! That’s the point! The truth is, “value” is a question of judgment and this seeming need to have something in your hands is emblematic of the planet-ruining lifestyles to which we have grown accustomed. You want something in your hands? Whip out your willie and jerk off to some porn. When you’re done and smiling, the planet will be smiling back.

As technology advances and the internet grows in ubiquity, more online-only industries will continue to develop. As long as people are willing to trade money and support their economies by spending, there is no better way than on virtual products. Online porn is entertainment of the most sustainable kind. Virtual and renewable commodities are the kinds we’re going to have to get very real about, especially considering the state of and trends in global manufacturing markets.

Given the Bush administration’s track record on environmental issues, the fact that they are so against online porn is all the more amusing and ridiculous. Porn is not only far from being a problem, but it is in fact a convenient solution to an actual real world problem which, of course, often set aside for the sake of… the very economy that porn has the capacity to help support. So with that in mind, sleep well tonight, my dearest online adult friends. This dirty blue industry is remarkably clean and green.