[COLOR=red]This is Part 2 in a three-part series of conversations with Vancouver-based sex worker and advocate Susan Davis, whose 25-year career led to an extraordinary philosophy about life, sex and the human condition. Part 1 is here, and Part 3 is here.[/COLOR]
By Peter Berton
YNOT – Vancouver sex worker and rights advocate Susan Davis is a proud professional who is as much a supportive mental health therapist for her clients as she is a provider of sensual pleasure and sexual release.
But she’s also a human being and a woman, complete with all the blessings and curses her gender and species entail. Relationship challenges are par for the course.
YNOT.com: You have been a sex worker for 25 years. The cliché is that sex workers are unable to be truly intimate with the people they love. Have you found that to be true?
Susan Davis: As far as my husbands, lovers, the men I have loved, I have never really had a problem with being intimate. In some of my relationships the men definitely had some issues with my work, and it did become a problem in some cases.
In the end, I believe we are all destined to be in love many times in our lives, and the pain associated with that is natural and beautiful. We must have bad times to recognize the good times. After all, feeling is one of the best parts of being alive!
The relationship I am currently involved in is going on eight years this year, and I am very happy. He is my best friend and lover. Sex has never been a problem, and we still average daily lovemaking.
I have explored my sexuality as far as being bisexual, polyamorous or in a lesbian relationship. I attribute my ability to do that without shame or regret to the freedom my work has given me. I am not encumbered by the shame that a non-sex worker might feel about their sexuality. I am liberated and free to express myself any way I choose.
Let’s talk about what it is truly like to be a sex worker, day in and day out. What are the real stresses of the job?
Well, burnout and fatigue for sure: When you work the kind of shifts we do, it can get tiring. Also, making ad or bill payments. As I’ve said, sex workers live in a very hand-to-mouth way. So if a bill or rent is impending, it can be stressful.
Before I came out of the closet as a sex worker, I was constantly worried my family would find out what I was doing. And even earlier, I was worried my friends would find out and cast me out.
Dealing with the biases that exist within mainstream systems against sex workers is also very stressful. I have even had trouble getting doctors to treat me as a result of my sex-worker status. There is nothing like a doctor telling you to come back at night because the night doctor would be more suited to my “type.” Hippocratic? Hypocritic!
Conversely, what are the actual perks of sex work?
I identified many of the perks earlier in terms working with my customers, but I would also say that being my own boss is a perk. I set the rules.
There are also all the gifts I receive at Christmas, my birthday and throughout the year; flowers, chocolate, bottles of wine, sexy shoes, boots, jewelry, gift certificates, lingerie, clothing … lots of leather! Televisions and stereo equipment; XXX movies, toys and magazines. I once received a piece of Egyptian parchment paper. It’s beautiful, and I still have it Books, historical photographs, luggage, cake, coffee … so many generous guys.
[Then there’s] dinner in fantastic restaurants with wonderful conversation, and traveling to exotic places. I don’t travel anymore, but I have in the past. There’s nothing like experiencing a place on a high-budget trip you are being paid to take.
Going to hockey games, concerts, plays…. Also, I can spend the time between phone calls and actually visiting with clients indulging my passions such as political work, music writing or costume making. If it weren’t for this job and being flexible in my hours, I wouldn’t be able to do that.
On a larger scale, what has sex work taught you?
It has given me a greater understanding of the way society works and how the vulnerable are punished as weak. Growing up in Canada, I never in my life would have believed that the kind of biases and prejudices sex workers experience could exist here. Now I am awake and can see the others sleeping around me, oblivious to the ways in which we are all contributing the harm of sex workers.
I have met so many wonderful people through the years, also. The stories of all the workers I have known stay with me.
I get the sense that many sex workers feel empowered by what they do, rather than ‘downtrodden’ as the mainstream press suggests. Is this true, and if so, why?
I would like to suggest that the mainstream press are focused on the abuse of children and people in the sex industry because it sells. Just as child pornography has a market and people profit, so does the mainstream media by telling the dark and sordid tale of little girls in chains being used for sex. Disgusting.
The mainstream media must be held accountable for the role they play in contributing to the harm of sex workers,by glorifying the men who kill us and perpetuating myths about our lives.
A happy story about an awards dinner to honor sex-worker rights activists is not sexy enough, so it gets no coverage. But the Salvation Army’s despicable anti-trafficking campaign featuring pictures of women being beaten, chocked and kicked in the head was shown on every channel.
The news is always about the bad when it comes to sex work. A “happy hooker” who just finished putting her three sons through university just won’t sell papers.
So what are the personal rewards in being an escort, both monetary and emotional?
As I said, the money is good, but it’s not that good. It has been better during better economic times, and I guess that’s a factor at present.
As far as emotionally, I find it very rewarding to help these men. I am always grateful for an opportunity to better someone’s life or to help them to grieve. For me, I wouldn’t change anything, even the bad stuff. It has shaped me as a person, kept me grounded and allowed me a window into the secret lives of men. This glimpse has allowed me to lend love and support to so many in and out of my work.
It has also strengthened my self-confidence. It’s hard to hear that you are beautiful, smart and sexy every day without beginning to believe it!
Coming up in Part 3, Davis will reveal how sex workers stay healthy and deal with jerks and lovelorn clients. She’ll also recount some of the most amusing encounters of her career.
