MALASIA — Regardless of how many times women assure men that it’s not the size that counts, it’s what they do with it, men the world over worry that their penises aren’t long enough, thick enough, or whatever enough to be satisfying or sufficiently masculine. Often, men desperate to change what they perceive to be their short-comings indulge in useless or even dangerous behaviors in search of a magical fix. Such has certain proven to be the case for an embarrassed Malaysian welder.

Although the name of the 20-something gentleman has remained confidential, Sultanah Aminah hospital director Daud Abdul Rahim told the Star that his staff had drained blood for the man’s penis and needed to remove the top layer of skin in order to remove an object that had become embedded around it.

That object was a nut, whose additional weight the man had hoped would help lengthen his member in time for his impending engagement.

Unfortunately for the man, the nut refused to come off once he developed an erection – so he visited the hospital in southern Johor state in desperation.

In addition to medical staff, the doubtlessly mortified man also received assistance from the fire and rescue department.

A week prior, a Kuala Lumpur citizen had attempted to improve his sexual abilities by wearing a steel ring around his penis. Alas for him, the cock ring would not come off and had to be removed by the fire department after doctors proved unable to make it budge.