SACRAMENTO, CA — No matter how much time Sacramento County workers spent on their feet or on their butts, the Sheriff’s Department is hoping to make it impossible to legally lean back and enjoy a relaxing lap dance. Whether there has been a rash of violent crimes linked to the enjoyment of nearly naked lap dances is unknown, but according to the Sacramento Bee, the urge to protect and serve has inspired the men and women in blue to propose an ordinance designed to make lap dances illegal.

Not all erotic clubs would be affected by the proposal, merely those located in non-industrial areas of the unincorporated area.

“It helps the county and law enforcement deal with the secondary effects,” deputy county counsel John Reed informed the press without explaining specifically what secondary effects might be in need of dealing with by such a move.

As presented by the Bee, officials contend that the decision is merely a zoning issue aimed to keep schools and churches free of adult entertainment proximity. They also contend that removing the right to give and receive a lap dance within the non-industrialized areas will cut down on loitering and prostitution – as well as salvage tumbling property values.

Area authorities have been whittling away at the erotic entertainment options of Sacramento County residents and visitors for decades, starting with a ban on nude performances in clubs that offer alcohol – which led to the introduction of juice bars in the early 1990s. Frustrated by this evidence of professional cleverness, the county changed its zoning regarding adult businesses in 1995 by limiting clubs to specific areas within industrialized areas at least 1,000 feet from areas deemed to be sensitive to the existence of nudity behind closed business doors.

In 1998 The Embers and The Body Shop began offering topless entertainment and in 2006 the county attempted to close the clubs, insisting that they did not have valid business licenses and were operating in unauthorized areas.

Each club responded via attorney George Mull, who pointed out that authorized areas did not possess enough actual spaces for a business to start up within or relocate to. The county was unmoved, with a judge ruling against the clubs in December and the clubs promptly appealing the judgment while their dancers donned their bras once again.

Lap dancing, called “physical contact dance” by the proposed ordinance, would be entirely illegal in any club other than those licensed and zoned as an adult entertainment club. Authorities are well aware that this may spell the end of those clubs located outside of the zoning area, as the supervisors’ information packet acknowledges that “Studies considered by the sheriff revealed that lap dance has been an integral part of the operation of adult live theater nationwide, since introduction of the concept ni the 1970s. The sheriff has identified physical contact dance as occurring in all adult live theaters licensed by the county.”

Mull believes that if the proposal, which would keep even fully closed dancers from performing a lap dance, is approved, it will ultimately be defeated.

“There’s not a single word of (the ordinance) which won’t be stricken down by the courts. They’re just begging for a lawsuit,” he promises.