LONDON – Since it first began drawing media attention, a lot has been said, written, posted and tweeted about a new study reexamining the question of average penis size.
Published in the British Journal of Urology, the objective of the study “Am I Normal?” was to “systematically review and create nomograms of flaccid and erect penile size measurements.”
A research team based at Kings College London looked at data collected across more than 20 studies in which the penises of more than 15,000 men were measured in a “standardized way.”
Presumably, the standardized method in question was more exacting than the old “Show Me Yours and I’ll Show You Mine” approach, which was popularized by wooden ruler-wielding schoolboys sometime in the early 20[SUP]th[/SUP] Century. The “Hold It Up to the Monitor During Extreme Porn Close-Ups” method, which became popular in the Internet Age, resulted in a lot of resentment directed at fellows like Lexington Steele.
After crunching the Official Dick Stats, the study’s authors arrived at average penis lengths of 3.61 inches flaccid and 5.17 inches erect. Average circumference measured 3.67 inches flaccid and 4.59 inches erect.
Obviously, this news comes several centuries too late to be of help to Napoleon Bonaparte, but researchers say the information could prove very beneficial to the delicate psyches of contemporary Hummer-drivers.
“There are a lot of psychiatric and psychological issues for men who believe they’re not [normal],” Gordon Muir, one of the study’s authors, told CNN.
Sex and relationship expert Ian Kerner echoed Muir’s sentiments, zeroing in on the potential benefit of the study’s conclusions for men who only think they’re packing nothing but latent disappointment for future sexual partners.
“In a time when men are bombarded with ads for bogus penis enhancers and images of porn star penises, it’s refreshing to see a scientific study assert penile dimensions that are refreshingly normal,” Kerner said. “In the world of porn, even penises that meet the baseline for normal are often tagged as small, so hopefully men who worry about their size will get this corrective message.”
The study may also put to rest certain persistent urban myths about penis size, like the purported correlation between shoe size and penis length, or the notion a small percentage of men have penises which vibrate with tremendous intensity, due to an unusual biological mechanism found only in 40-something males who use the name “Ben” as a pseudonym.
Kerner said it was a nice change to see “many of the ethnic and cultural stereotypes around penis size — for example, that Black men have larger penises and Asian men have smaller ones — were not supported.”
“It’s those sorts of messages that get internalized and affect sexual self-esteem,” Kerner said.
The most salient question, of course, remains: Does penis size really matter in the first place? Among other things, if the answer to this question is “no,” then it’s immaterial whether the vibrating penises of writers named “Ben” also tend to be greater than 10 inches in length.
The results of past studies that directly investigated whether penis size matters suggest penis length is of greater concern to men than women. For example, one study conducted by a nosey gaggle of California-based academics in 2006 found 85 percent of female respondents said they were just fine with the size of their partner’s penis. On the other hand, only 55 percent of male respondents reported being satisfied with their own penis size.
“The average vagina is just three to four inches deep, so most guys are doing just fine with their average dimensions,” Kerner observed, adding that in his experience as a therapist, penis size is typically only an issue if a man’s penis is too large, which can lead to painful sex for his partner.
Ultimately, Kerner said, if men are actually concerned about satisfying their female partners, penis size isn’t the place to try to make improvements.
“Regardless of size, most intercourse positions fail to directly stimulate the clitoris, the epicenter of the female orgasm,” noted Kerner. “Men who care about their female partner’s sexual satisfaction should worry less about their penile dimensions and more about getting ‘cliterate.’”
You hear that fellas? The problem isn’t the size of our cocks. We’re just lousy in bed, that’s all.
What a relief!
