COWETA COUNTY, GA —Rev. Billy Ball has a serious problem with pornography. Actually, he appears to have a serious problem with nudity, pornography – and the truth. Now that a non-adult shop has plans to open this month and sell a few sexy items, the good reverend has the opportunity to put all of his problems on public display.Starting with the website www.CowetaCap.com, Rev. Ball hypes the alleged risks posed by the soon-to-be-opened Starship to the souls, relationships and bodies of the citizens of Coweta County. He goes so far as to dedicate an entire page to serial killer Ted Bundy and how pornography allegedly drove him to commit his crimes.

Presumably in hopes of avoiding similar murder sprees, Ball has founded Coweta Citizens Against Pornography with the goal of making sure citizens are suitably horrified and offended by adult businesses and the products that they sell.

If all goes well, Ball hopes to keep Starship from opening and convince the county to further tighten its restrictions on adult materials available for sale within the area.

Currently, adult businesses are forced to locate exclusively within industrial areas far from residences, schools or religious buildings and the standards for owning, managing or working at such an establishment are strict.

Not strict enough for Ball.

Since less than 25-percent of the merchandise stocked by Starship will be of an erotic nature, the shop doesn’t qualify as an adult business, which enrages Ball, who presumably knows that the mere presence of a frothy babydoll, a buzzing vibrator, a pot of strawberry body lotion or a racy DVD spells the end of civilization as he would like to know it.

Starship’s president has already stated that no one under the age of 18 will be allowed in the store, but the fact there’s no law to enforce that promise worries Ball. Instead, the reverend would like to see the county lower the percentage of adult merchandise needed to deem an establishment banished to the hinterlands – or see the county ban the sale of such merchandise entirely.

Nearby Newnan classifies businesses as being of an adult nature if they carry so much as 5-percent worth of sexy goodies among their overall stock.

According to Ball, “The people need to know that this store, even though it is an adult porno store, is not classified as an adult porno store.”

Fortunately for the good people of Coweta County – and the advertising budget of Starship – Ball considers it “my responsibility as a man of God to alert my people and try to work alongside the authorities to see if we can’t get the strictest ordinance possible.”

Ball realizes that he may not be able to run every pair of crotchless panties out of the region, but hopes he can at least make sure the businesses that sell them feel “uncomfortable” doing so.

As far as Ball is concerned, having a shop that carries erotic merchandise is the same as burglars casing out homes.

“I think they do advance work,” he hypothesized about the owners of adult businesses. “I think in Coweta they have found a house that doesn’t have an alarm system. They are going to go in the back window.”

Not everyone in Coweta County sees the opening of Starship as heralding the end of the world, however. Nathan Lee, assistant county attorney for the area, contends that things are fine the way they are now.

Referring to a 2000 adoption of a slightly tweaked ordinance presented by the Association County Commissioners of Georgia, Lee observed to the Times-Herald that “My understanding was that they felt that would withstand a challenge. I’m not saying that one cannot be stricter. We feel like the one we have is enforceable.”

Commissioner Rodney Brooks, who opposes the opening of Starship, echoes Lee’s opinions, opining that anything tighter than 25-percent would likely not survive a court hearing. Although he admits a willingness to crack down on shops further, he also explains that “With my limited knowledge, I think the ordinance we currently have is the best that this land has to offer.”

Nonetheless, Brooks also insists that “I don’t think it’s over. I think it’s just getting started.”

Ball, who hopes he can convince the county commissioners to dislike porn more than they dislike him, plans to protest outside of the store when it opens. He claims that a local businessman has promised to help him fund a “come to Starship today and see you on YouTube tonight” shame program.