By Erika Icon

YNOT – Just when you thought you’d seen it all, a new adult business pops up that has you thinking, “Why didn’t I come up with that?”

L.A. Porn Tours is a wild ride on a chartered bus that gives civilians (and adult industry peeps) the chance to tour Porn Valley and beyond. I took their second tour, and even though I’m a jaded industry insider, I was rather impressed.

The tour started at Sexx University on Melrose. Sexx U started online and is now a brick-and-mortar shop offering certificates to let the world know visitors possess a masters degree in sexual administration. I could give — and have given — more in-depth sex advice, so I passed on the “diploma.”

The store offers a variety of apparel bearing the Sexx U logo. The hour the tour group spent there gave everyone a chance to sign in and get to know one another. We met our hostesses, adult performers Skin Diamond and Brandi Belle, and were able to have photos taken with the ladies while we chatted with other tour guests. It turns out that a ton of my industry acquaintances were on the tour, along with other special guests including performers Rebecca Bardoux, Sienna Sinclaire and Vicky Vixen, and a bevy of photographers and videographers documenting the event.

After almost an hour, and more than a few delays, we boarded the bus and were informed there was an open bar — at that point, pandemonium started. Hip hop music was blasted, which switched to dub step and house later in the tour.

Our first stop was Bizzy B Boutique, a lingerie and adult novelty shop in Hollywood. Diamond set up a table in front and sold DVDs and signed photos while tour participants shopped. The store offers an impressive merchandise selection, including Wonder Woman costumes and other items that are difficult to find anywhere else. Lingerie is available in a huge range of sizes from super small to plus sizes. There wasn’t a whole lot of time to shop before it was time to get back on the bus.

Everyone started to get their drink on, and many participants were more than slightly buzzed. Vixen, her friend Jessica and our hostesses mingled with the guests, danced on the stripper pole at the back of the bus and flirted (and then some) with all the males.

When we disembarked the next time, we found ourselves at Xposed Gentlemen’s Club in Canoga Park. We were told this was the best nude club around, and it turned out to be my favorite stop on the tour. Management let the media take pictures, which is something that just doesn’t happen in strip clubs. We were only allowed to photograph the hostesses and other tour-goers, but that was enough. Diamond danced three songs and really won over the audience. Money rained from the sky onto the stage for her. The tour lingered at the club for an hour, but it seems like 10 minutes. Yes, the experience was that good.

Our next, and final, stop was billed as one of the highlights of the tour: a porn movie set. The civilians looked a little scared when we walked into the studio. We chowed down on pizza and soda while Sinclaire gave us some sex advice and answered questions. Then Diamond gave everyone the opportunity to photograph “pretty girl shots” of her on-set. Next, she and Belle performed a brief scene together. Logan Exx joined them for a threesome that was professionally filmed and photographed while tour participants watched and snapped photos with their mobile phones. A few in the crowd lent directorial “assistance” by yelling out, with permission, what they wanted to see the performers do next.

More than a little dazed, everyone got on the bus to head back to Los Angeles and drink some more. Six hours after we began the tour, the bus returned us to our cars at Sexx U.

The cool thing about L.A. Porn Tours is they bring mainstream people (or as industry members call them, “civilians”) into the adult world so they can see what our lives are really like. Neither the industry nor its denizens are the cliché most civilians expect. The tour was a quite a bit of fun, due in large part to the attention of owner Ben Free and his crew. They did whatever they could do to accommodate participants, whether we were paying guests or just media tagalongs. Overall, they did a great job and have the potential to grow an amazing business. Of course, the tours are new and a few kinks still need to be worked out.

A few of the kinks are worth noting. First off, an open bar might be a bad idea. For some people, offering complimentary booze is like putting a giant block of cheese in front of a rat. More than a few of the participants drank enough to become obnoxious and spilled drinks on others. Time-management also seemed to be a bit of a problem: We left an hour late from the first stop and got back late. The tour itself is very expensive, even though it includes an open bar and a snack. Tour-goers who want to direct at the final stop must pay almost $300 per ticket. To be just a silent member of the audience costs almost $200. Free and his staff restrict the number of tickets they sell for each tour, so that may explain the steep price tag.

But kudos are due, as well. I didn’t think I would enjoy the experience, but I did. The detailed and easy-to-use website makes understanding the tours and signing up for one simple. Non-industry peeps get to do stuff they only dream about, like going to a strip club and seeing their favorite porn girl dance, and visiting a real porn set. I met some porn girls I didn’t know. All the hostesses and other porn girls on the tour had personality and charm,and they made everyone feel important. Tour participants who wanted to remain anonymous were respected and offered masks to wear.

In short, L.A. Porn Tours has come up with something creative that bears watching. They’re hustling to make money in an industry that isn’t easy to succeed in anymore, and I’m willing to bet they’ll do just fine.