PHILADELPHIA – Here’s the thing about laughing last: Before you can be said to have done so, you first must be certain no additional chuckles are forthcoming.
As the New York Post tells it, porn performer Mia Khalifa just had the last laugh with respect to former University of Mississippi quarterback Chad Kelly, because he was picked last in the recent NFL draft — a position known within pro football circles as “Mr. Irrelevant.”
If I were the Post, however, I might hold back on this determination until after we see what happens with Kelly and the team who picked him, the Denver Broncos.
Sure, as has been pointed out in several dozen articles and televised reports, the final pick of the draft has never turned out to be a great player. But achieving greatness isn’t the only goal in pro sports. Lest we forget, even the mediocre among pro athletes tend to earn decent money.
Let’s suppose, for the sake of argument, Kelly never even makes it onto the field during the entire course of his just-starting NFL career. Let’s also stipulate he won’t be in the league more than two years.
Further assuming his pending two-year career doesn’t consist of a series of very short-term deals (such deals are not subject to the collectively bargained league minimum salary), even a two-year stint at the current league minimum for rookie players would garner Kelly approximately $945,000.
Granted, a bit less than a million bucks is very little to earn when compared to what starting quarterbacks in the NFL pull down, but I’d say it compares quite favorably to what Kelly would earn over the course of two years if he were in some other line of work — like performing in porn, for example. (Or writing about porn, for that matter.)
No doubt, Kelly has given us plenty to laugh at through his fumbling overtures to Khalifa on social media, and I don’t question one bit Khalifa’s right to have a good guffaw at his expense. For us third-party observers, particularly any of us who may have once harbored thoughts of going pro in sports, I think looking at Kelly as a loser in the context of his vocation — football — is a very hard position to sustain.
Among other things, even the very last guy picked in the NFL draft is part of an elite group, statistically speaking, simply because the odds of going pro are so low to begin with.
According to the NCAA, more than 73,000 football players compete in the college ranks every season; of them, only 1.9% make it to the pros. The figure includes playing for the Canadian Football League, indoor football and other non-NFL leagues. (If you remove the non-NFL leagues, the figure drops to 1.5%.)
In other words, if you’re laughing at Chad Kelly because he got picked last in the NFL draft, you’re laughing at a guy for managing to achieve what 98.5% of his college competition didn’t.
If, on the other hand, you’re laughing at Kelly because he comes off as something of a douchebag on social media, don’t let anything I’ve written here give you pause. Being a successful jock doesn’t mean one can’t be a douche, after all. If anything, it might increase the odds of achieving douchedom.
All I’m saying is if you’re laughing at Kelly as a football failure because he got picked 253rd in the NFL draft, just keep in mind there’s approximately 73,407 other young men who would happily trade places with him right about now.
Image: Mia Khalifa (left) and Chad Kelly. Both via Twitter.
