SWEDEN — While many may associate Sweden with legendary sexual tolerance – if not outright experimentation – not every citizen is a big breasted blonde ski bunny bouncing with eagerness to rub up against a friendly ski pro. In fact, one church in southern Sweden has made it clear that it’s not interested in exposing its parishioners to anything resembling such a national cliché if it can help it.The Church of Sweden in Hylletofka has a tower perfectly situated for bringing the miracle of broadband internet into its community – but because that onramp to the information super highway also leads to naked naughtiness, it’s not going to happen. Not on top of the church tower, anyway.

Showing a staggering lack of faith in its faithful, the church based its decision, at least in part, upon the conclusion that installing the broadband equipment on the tower might cut into its regularly scheduled services. Apparently the church elders feared that given the choice, the warm bodies the building depends upon for its continued existence might prefer to stay home with a box of tissues and a saucy website.

Currently the locals must deal with dial-up speeds and connections, which presumably make it more difficult for them to indulge in digital sin.

Although Torbjörn Sjögren, the curator for the Diocese of Växjö, insists that “you can’t interpret it like that,” some might consider the decision to be censorious. Instead, he informed TV4 Jönköping that “The diocese has formally taken the position that this type of equipment would cause trouble, and could even lead to some people not coming to church.”

Well, that explains everything and makes it all better.