WASHINGTON, D.C. — If a bill approved Wednesday by a 409-2 majority of the U.S. House of Representatives is any indication, Congress remains largely populated by a herd of proudly redundant, technologically illiterate Nosy Nellies.Among the curious provisions of the Securing Adolescents From Exploitation-Online — or SAFE — Act is a mandate that anyone providing an open Wi-Fi connection to the public report “illegal activities” and “obscene” images, including cartoons and drawings, or face fines of up to $300,000.

Wireless Web access has become an increasingly popular offering at coffee shops, government-owned parks and facilities, hotels and motels, libraries, airports, and other public locations nationwide. How the snooping may be accomplished is not specified.

Also included in the bill is a provision requiring reporting by social-networking sites, domain-name registrars, Internet Service Providers, and email services (both Web-based and POP/IMAP), which may have to retain the complete contents of user accounts indefinitely, even after the hosts have ratted out suspected miscreants.

Surprisingly, Democrats rushed the bill to the floor without prior hearing or public unveiling, using a covert process generally reserved for uncontroversial legislation. Only two Republicans voted against it: Rep. Ron Paul (TX), a dark-horse presidential candidate with a libertarian bent, and Rep. Paul Broun (GA).

Not surprisingly, the SAFE Act is another in a long list of largely ineffective, unconstitutionally intrusive, and repeatedly challenged-in-the-courts congressional attempts to corral child pornography.

Predictably, critics already are decrying the act’s expansive terms and redundancies. For one thing, several reporting triggers and recipients overlap provisions in existing law. For another, the SAFE Act’s vaguely defined yet sweeping laundry list of “illegal” images and information that must be reported includes not only obvious depictions of child sexual abuse, but also images of fully clothed minors in “lascivious” poses as well as “obscene” hentai, manga, drawings, cartoons, sculptures and paintings.

Of course, the terms “lascivious,” “illegal” and “obscene” may guarantee the SAFE Act and a sister bill currently before the Senate see the inside of a courtroom before they see enforcement in the light of day.