By M.Christian

YNOT – Welcome ladies, gentlemen and everyone betwixt and between, to the very first installment of Odd Balling: news about the odd, the bizarre, the weird and the just plain ewwwwww in sex.

This being only the first few weeks of a brand new year, the (ahem) coming rest of the year promises to be full of a staggering amount of sexual bizarreness. Case in point: LFP Video and Full Spread Entertainment have just released a brand new porn parody of mainstream entertainment that raises the bar to a whole new, and frankly disturbing, level. The companies’ latest title introduces America’s favorite animated, yellow-skinned, four-fingered family to hardcore, flesh-and-blood reality: Simpsons: The XXX Parody.

Regarding this, we are tempted to quote Homer (and not the Greek one): “D’oh!”

On a completely different note, we heartily congratulate the winners of the East Coast National 2010 Air Sex Championships, which took place Jan. 14 at the Mercury Lounge in New York City. In case anyone else is curious, while it is certainly traditional for winners in all sorts of competitions to get laid, we are uncertain at this time how the winners of this particular competition will celebrate.

From ABC News — always a leader in responsible journalism (seriously!) — came this report about how some teenagers, in an attempt to deal with bullying, have resorted to plastic surgery, including breast implants. Unfortunately, ABC does not address the even-more serious issue: Surgeons have not yet perfected a cure for either jerk-dom or simple stupidity, though lobotomies do show promise.

While technically the next item did not occur during the still-young 2011, nevertheless it does involve both breasts and plastic surgery: an inventive business card design. Simply poke your fingers through two latex circles on the card to get a before-and-after glimpse.

Meanwhile, a man is considering suing Nassau County, near New York City, for a rather … intimate injury he sustained while in jail there. According[/url to jailbird Peter Solomon, “a rat ‘or similar rodent’ emerged from a hole in his mattress and bit him on the penis … drawing blood.” The rat, unfortunately, was unavailable for comment at press time.

Lastly and definitely leastly, we were dumbstruck by the Pope’s determination that sex education comprises [URL=”http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20110110/lf_afp/vaticanreligionpopeeducation”]a covert an attack on religious freedom.

“I cannot remain silent about another attack on the religious freedom of families in certain European countries which mandate obligatory participation in courses of sexual or civic education,” His Holiness said in published comments.

In response, allow us to quote George Bernard Shaw: “Why should we take advice on sex from the Pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn’t!”

M.Christian is a YNOT.com contributing editor and an author of literary erotica that blends the spectrum of sexual preferences and desires with horror and science fiction. Got weird sex news you want to share? Email him.