By M.Christian
YNOT – Here we go again, folks: Just as the world keeps on spinnin’, so too the strange, the weird and the more-than-kinda-bizarre tales of sex and kinkiness keep on — excuse the pun — coming.
First, the tasty news that Karl Lagerfeld (as in the Karl Lagerfeld, famed fashion icon) has sculpted an edible ode to his boyfriend and muse, Baptiste Giabiconi. As reported by Gawker, Lagerfeld’s creation was designed to promote French ice cream brand Magnum, but the chocolate Giabiconi seems a tad tacky.
Meanwhile, people from all over made the annual pilgrimage to one of the most romantic and erotically alluring cities on earth — Milwaukee — to participate in one of the most amusingly sad events in all of human history: the Air Sex Championships. During the contest men and women pantomimed various erotic activities to the cheers — and in some cases, horror — of attendees and judges. Categories included “My God What’s Going On Here?” “My Eyes! My Eyes!” “EWWWWW…!” and the fan favorite, “I Feel So Dirty … and Not in a Good Way.”
JS Online’s coverage of the event noted that host Chris Trew’s favorite moment occurred when a contestant intriguingly named “Slut Truffle” used an electric saw “which she puts between her legs and presses up against a stone protecting her from underneath. She presses the saw against the stone, and the contact sends sparks flying.”
Should you prefer your sex just as public, and — if possible — even creepier, head out to New York City. No news in that, you say? Au contraire. The Big Apple’s libraries have become synonymous with higher sexual education.
As reported by NPR, NYC has accepted that viewing smut on library computers is a form of free speech; therefore, librarians are not dissuading folks from enjoying a bit of bumpy-grindy on public screens. While we at YNOT applaud free speech in all its many forms and are proud of the NYC public library system’s stand on the issues, we must insist that library patrons be forced to pay for their porn just like the rest of us.
From Berlin, via newslite, comes yet another report wherein a sex was suspected of criminal activity. Events took a decidedly un-explosive turn when the local bomb squad investigated a suspicious “drilling” sound coming from an unoccupied apartment, only to discover a sex toy had turned itself on and was bouncing across a wooden floor. “Sex toy bombs” are becoming so commonplace that we have to wonder when terrorists are going to smarten up and actually put their deadly devices inside sex toys. Or perhaps the cops will begin fessing up and stop pretending they don’t know what a vibrator sounds like.
The next time you worry your tax dollars are being wasted on meaningless “junk science,” remember this: One of the few places your money is not going is to funding extra-planetary sex. According to MSNBC, as far as anyone knows — or at least is willing to admit knowing — nookie has not been performed in orbit. Valery Bogomolov, deputy director of the Russian Institute of Biomedical Problems, had the definitive word: “There is no official or unofficial evidence that there were instances of sexual intercourse or the carrying out of sexual experiments in space.”
Oh, yeah? Perhaps we should ask space-tourism startup Virgin Galactic about that. For a mere “staring price” of $200,000, space tourists can book Virgin Galactic vacations the company’s website describes thusly: “The climb … is marked with quiet contemplation, but there’s an air of confidence and eager anticipation. Then the countdown to release, a brief moment of quiet before a wave of unimaginable but controlled power surges through the craft.” No wonder spacesuits aren’t skintight.
M.Christian is a YNOT.com contributing editor and an author of literary erotica that blends the spectrum of sexual preferences and desires with horror and science fiction. Got weird sex news you want to share? Email him.
