ITALY — It difficult enough being a fat man in a thin man’s world – but when clothing malfunctions happen, the repercussions can be more than embarrassing; they can be obscenely litigious. An excessively overweight man defended himself against charges of obscenity recently in a Gallarate courtroom. The man had been shopping in the medieval town of 50,000’s supermarket when he had reached for a high shelf – and split the seam of his trousers.

Alas for the plus sized consumer, his size made it impossible for him to purchase underwear that fit, so he had given up wearing anything beneath his pants.

Evidencing delicate sensibilities rarely found outside of the United States or more conservative Muslim nations, two enraged female shoppers screamed in horror at the sight of the man’s exposed buttocks, drawing the attention of the police, who promptly arrested the deeply embarrassed man on suspicion of having committed and obscene act in public.

The man, whose name and age have not been revealed by the country’s ANSA news service, informed the court that he had gone to the store that day in part to search for appropriately fitting undergarments.

Showing rare wisdom in a world gone mad, the presiding judge dropped all charges against the man, ruling that he had neither committed an obscene act nor even offended the morals of anyone who caught sight of his distress.