Everyone knows the key to finding and retaining good employees is way more than a nice paycheck.
It’s benefits, baby, benefits.
Now, you could go the traditional route with offering your hard-working right-hand gals and girls a nice 401K retirement program, health insurance or an extra week of vacation. Yes, you could do that… or you could be the hip jefe, the one that’s ahead of the curve, the one who gifts workers the perk that will keep them coming back for more. Literally.
If this sounds like your jam, you need to hop aboard the cool bus and order up some Wank Pods for your staff. What you may ask is a Wank Pod? I’m betting since you’re in the business of sex you probably have an inkling based on the eponymous name; but let’s get down to the nitty gritty. Wank Pod, my YNOT friends, is a revolutionary VR-enabled masturbation pod being developed for the workplace by live camming platform Stripchat. In case there’s any misunderstanding or you just need to read it again to believe it, that’s right, the Wank Pod is designed to be used in the office so you can wank on your breaktime. Now that’s a benefit!
But seriously, what employee wouldn’t enjoy a Wank Pod over a Starbucks gift card any day?
According to IFLS, Stripchat has already installed four of these babies in their office to service their over 200 employees. Take turns everyone! Maybe they have a sign-up sheet or a weekly calendar? Hmmmm… Important things to think about when you swap out your break room and install this amazing new happy space for your worker bees.
The pods which are purported to look like “large futuristic balls” come complete with a comfortable chair (remember you don’t want to risk a worker’s compensation lawsuit from a disgruntled employee who put their back out while self-pleasuring), 4K screens, Oculus Quest VR headsets, and tissues and lube (user tip: decide if it’s in your budget to spring for the Puffs and KY – you don’t need to give away the whole kit and caboodle).
Please business owners, forget any notion that cost outweighs benefits. Chances are installing a state-of-the-art Wank Pod Room is going to pay for itself a hundred-fold — if not a thousand-fold. This one-size-fits-all perk is not only going to make you the most popular place to work in town, it’s going to up productivity! Consider your current situation:
Two Employees Bickering? Check! Send them to the Wank Pod, everyone knows they just have the hots for one another – 15 minutes later they’ll be swapping heart emojis and working together as the team you need them to be.
Cranky Employee? Check! Send them to the Wank Pod, everyone knows they just need some alone time – 15 minutes later they’ll gladly say “Yes, Boss!” to any lousy job you send their way.
Chatty Employee? Check! Send them to the Wank Pod – everyone knows they had too many espressos this morning – 15 minutes later they’ll be so chill they can finally shut the hell up and do their work.
Hungover Employee? Check! Send them to the Wank Pod – everyone knows they can’t finish typing that sentence because they have a splitting headache – 15 minutes later after a good wank/nap they’ll be refreshed and able to finish that report you need so badly!
Insecure Employee? Check! Send them to the Wank Pod – 15 minutes later they’ll have the confidence to plow through mountains of work. Unfortunately, a side effect is they will now be the chatty employee – go ahead and send them back to the Wank Pod later in the day to reverse it. No harm done!
Yes, business owners, the possibilities are endless. So, before you laugh at this unorthodox concept, contemplate the myriad of benefits from Stripchat’s compelling invention. Be the boss that gives your workers a Wank Pod — and 15 minutes a day to themselves. You won’t regret it.
Images by Sora Shimazaki and Kindel Media from Pexels
