NEW YORK, NY — With yet another Attorney General resigning amidst controversy and scorn, U.S. President George Bush finds himself once again faced with the complex task of deciding who should be the next man or woman to face brutal questioning from the Left and the Right. If Morality In Media gets its porn hating way, whomever takes on the job will make crushing the adult entertainment industry a priority.In a press release distributed last week, the sex obsessed conservative media watch group emphatically urged Bush to nominate an Attorney General candidate “who understands that our nation faces many pressing problems, including the threat of terrorism; but our nation also faces a growing moral crisis… It is clear that the explosive increase in the availability of pornography is fueling this moral crisis.”

While some might consider the torture of Guantanamo Bay prisoners, the rape and murder of an under age Iraqi girl and slaughter of her family, or even the sexual confessions and arrests of a wide assortment of religious and Republican leaders as a stronger indication of where moral decay is strongest, but the group insist that it and “More than 50 national, state, and local leaders” believe that making sure that currently existing obscenity laws are “enforced against hardcore pornography…”

Morality In Media, perhaps worried that no strong Republican candidates for president have emerged and no Democratic candidate has shown any interest in hunting down pornographers, appears especially eager for Bush to make a decision in their favor, stating that the group wants to encourage him “to take steps necessary to bring about significant progress in this war against obscenity before your second term ends.” Indicating a consistent but nonetheless surprisingly anti-Capitalist Free Market sentiment, the group further stresses that it believes “that taking needed action now to clean up the glut of obscenity that pollutes our cultural environment would be a worthy legacy…”

Apparently an endless war in the Middle East isn’t legacy enough.

While members of the adult entertainment industry and other minority sexuality communities have viewed both Attorney Generals John Ashcroft and Alberto Gonzalez with everything from disgust to contempt, Morality In Media’s release indicates that the group and its supporters are frustrated by their inability to forward the anti-erotica movement as had been hoped. “We believe that Attorney Generals Ashcroft and Gonzalez meant well when each stated that enforcement of obscenity laws is a Justice Department ‘priority,’” it states, adding that “By our count, however, there have been fewer than 20 obscenity prosecutions against commercial distributors of ‘adult’ pornography… That is hardly a reflection of a ‘priority.’”

Not content to chide the president gently for not pressing his Attorney Generals to tamper further with the Constitution, the group continues, complaining that the FBI’s decision to focus on sexual abuse of children and trafficking of female and child laborers, two things it insists are a result of “the spread of obscenity,” to the detriment of assaulting the adult industry. The FBI’s work in this area is described as being nothing more the investment of “token resources to combat obscenity…”

Ultimately, the press release compares Bush’s efforts negatively to those of nearly deified former President Ronald Reagan and takes issue with the Supreme Court’s refusal to affirm the Child Online Protection Act (COPA), which has consistently been found to be at odds with American’s Constitutionally acknowledged rights. COPA is called one of “the only laws that can be enforced against websites that allow visitors to view pornography free of charge (as teasers) and without proof of age.”

Summing up the group’s horror, the press release lectures both Bush and his wife, stating that “Among other things, hardcore pornography depicts adultery, pseudo child porn, barely legal teens… gang bangs, group sex, unsafe sex galore, sex with animals, sex with excrement, sex with siblings, sex with she-males, male-on-male rape, and the degradation, rape and torture of women…”

One might easily wonder if Morality In Media’s research group doesn’t have a unique preference in adult entertainment, given its overbroad conclusions. Or perhaps its members merely spend more time thinking about, searching for, viewing, and then complaining about extreme sex than the average American. If so, then no wonder the group is concerned about the future of the nation’s youth.