KENYA — Pity the poor men of Kenya, denied sex by their women – including professional sex providers – for an entire week, all because they can’t put their sometimes violent political differences aside and work together like adults. So horrific was the week without sex that at least one man believes his brush with celibacy was a torment worthy of a lawsuit. “Since the women called for the sex boycott,” James Kimondo, a presumably blue-balled husband complained, “my wife has denied me my conjugal rights. This has caused me anxiety and sleepless nights.”
Kimondo, who appears unaware of the anxious and sleepless nights the women of Kenya have endured while wondering when the next burst of politically motivated bloodshed will take place, is suing the leaders of G10, the coalition of women’s groups responsible for organizing the sex boycott.
“I have been suffering mental anguish, stress, backaches, lack of concentration,” Kimondo continued, suggesting that a week in his home is normally jam-packed full of sexual activity.
Although Kimondo and other seven-day-celibate men should have been able to drain their testicles with the help of a female companion as of last Wednesday, when the protest ended, he insists he has every intention to demand justice from Nairobi’s High Court.
Organizers of the east African G10 sex boycott hoped that a Lysistrata-style denial of sex by the nation’s women, including prostitutes, might encourage their men to resolve their political differences through peaceful negotiation and cooperation.
Ever since president Mwai Kibaki and rival Raila Odinga reluctantly agreed to share power, continuing tensions have interfered with the coalition building process, causing widespread difficulties. After the election, Odinga accused Kibaki of stealing the election and the nation erupted into tribal violence, ultimately resulting in 1,500 deaths. The two men recently met for a brief talk and held their first joint cabinet meeting in a month.
G10 members contend that Kenya’s horny men should focus their energy on resolving their political tensions instead of releasing their sexual tension. In addition to offering to pay sex workers to take time off, the Women’s Development Organization urged the wives of Kibaki and Odinga to join them in common cause by withholding sex for a week.
Patricia Nyaundi, executive director of the Federation of Women Lawyers, pointed out that “Great decisions are made during pillow talk, so we are asking the two ladies at that intimate moment to ask their husbands, ‘Darling, can you do something for Kenya?’”
In spite of the lawsuit and the fact that Kenyan government representative Alfred Mutua insists he’s never heard of the strike, the G10 coalition considers its efforts to have been a success.
