By Abigail Cuthbert
Special to YNOT

SAVANNAH, Ga. – At a time when everybody from the Pope to the President of the United States has started to get timid on critical moral issues like gay marriage, it’s more important than ever to give recognition to all the brave souls who refuse to back down, refuse to succumb to the forces of darkness and refuse to let political correctness get in the way of maintaining a decent and God-fearing community.

Along those lines, I’d like to say a hearty thanks to the set of true American heroes known as the Oglethorpe Row Homeowners Association (ORHA) for putting their foot down and saying NO to the corruptive, avaricious and often overwhelming influence of the worst of all mega-industries: Big Art.

It all started when a suspiciously foreign-sounding alleged “artist” named Tatiana von Tauber decided to force her “erotic paintings” down the Savannah community’s throat, flagrantly flaunting her perverse work with a completely unavoidable gallery show at the Oglethorpe Gallery, a complex that unarguably falls within the sovereign territory of ORHA.

Making matters worse, Ms. von Tauber — most probably a filthy German person who promotes coprophagia through subliminal messages hidden in her so-called “art” — erected a massive, conspicuous, garish and hideous sign, replete with 10-inch-high letters reading “Art Porn.”

To begin with, I’m pretty sure it’s some kind of federal criminal violation to put the words “porn” and “art” in the same sentence, unless the word “isn’t’” also makes an appearance. Even if this isn’t the case, everybody living here knows you can’t go around putting dirty, salacious words like “porn” or “sex” or “science” on a sign within 600 miles of a church under Georgia state law, for God’s sake! Where did this crazy German woman think she was, the extreme southeastern suburbs of San Francisco?

Naturally, Ms. von Tauber has gone running to the liberal media to cry “censorship,” making the outrageous claim she has some “right” to let people know not only about her prurient exhibit, but the general nature of her exhibit as well.

“It makes me feel kind of censored and attacked, really, because I understand the ‘porn,’ but the ‘art’ was unnecessary,” the seditious, possibly illicit, likely foreign cultural-terrorist said. “They could have compromised with me. There’s nothing wrong with the word ‘art’ in a residential row. I have to find a way to get people in.”

Utter nonsense.

First of all, there certainly is something wrong with the word “art,” unless it is preceded by the word “Christian.” After all, absent this crucial descriptor, there’s a good chance the depictions in question are going to involve nudity, unjust violence or some sort of rampant visual anti-Americanism.

Second, whatever Satanic urge Ms. von Temptress might feel to “get people in” to her exhibition, it is completely outweighed by ORHA’s absolute and incontrovertible right to keep out her outrageous, explicit, two-word signage.

One thing does disappoint me about ORHA, though: Instead of just coming right out and telling Ms. von Probably-Directly-Related-to-Hitler where to stick her bratwurst, they are bowing to pressure from free speech bullies by claiming ORHA’s opposition to her sordid, filthy, scandalous exhibition has nothing to do with its subject matter.

“The removal of the signage has nothing to do with this exhibit or any other exhibit in the past or future,” said ORHA president Diana Morrison. “The Oglethorpe Row Homeowners Association bylaws do not allow signage other than the permanent ones approved by our board at an annual meeting typically held in January.”

To nobody’s surprise, some loudmouthed lawyer type couldn’t resist sticking his overpriced, endlessly-litigious nose into what really should be a simple matter of neighborly courtesy, spouting some sort of highfalutin nonsense about freedom of expression.

“A ‘pre-approval’ policy cannot be used as a blanket for simple unfettered discretion,” said some person who would have us believe his actual given name is “Marc Randazza.”

“Obviously, homeowners associations are not considered to be state actors and are thus not normally bound by the Constitution,” this Randazza person continued. “That said, I would hope that they would have more respect for the First Amendment than to engage in this petty and un-American act of censorship.”

Oh, so all of a sudden it’s “petty and un-American” to protect children? I wonder if Mr. Randazza would feel the same way if his children had to walk by a sign with the word “art” on it.

It should not come as a surprise to hear Mr. Randazza is based out of the cesspool of sin and moral bankruptcy known as Las Vegas. I’m sure much worse words get used on signage all the time in his sweaty, grimy, gold-chain-adorned neck of the woods. Here in Georgia, however, we still fear God, and so we respect only those laws of man that are consistent with His laws — which can’t be “amended,” by the way.

You know what would be a perfect solution to this conflict? Ms. von Artsenkraft should just pack up her paints, canvasses and sex toys and move on out to Mr. Randazza’s neighborhood in American Gomorrah. We decent Georgians certainly wouldn’t miss her. Plus, out there in Sin City, they’re liable to turn her smutty, offensive paintings into public murals so they could be admired by every drunken gambling addict who happens to stumble down The Strip.

Abigail Cuthbert is president of the Ray City, Ga., chapter of the National Unitarian Temple for Justice, Optimism and Brotherhood.

Image: Sleeping Bacchante by Károly Brocky (public domain)