ARNDALE, OK — Humans are creative little tool-using monkeys and delight in finding new uses for old objects. But sometimes they just can’t leave well enough alone. Such has certain proven to be the case for one now dead sex toy adventurer.A two-day investigation into the death of 49-year-old Shirley Dent has left officers shaken but convinced that foul play had nothing to do with her demise.
Garden variety bad judgment, however, seems likely to be very much at fault.
Dent was found dead in her driveway from what Det.- Sgt. Karl Sprout of the Alpara County Sheriff’s Office called “severe internal distress induced by the machine” with which she had earlier been seen attempting to pleasure herself.
The machine?
A high-powered jackhammer.
Dent, were she still alive, could not have pled ignorant about the potential harm that a jackhammer in the vagina could produce, seeing as she was a professional construction worker with considerable experience using the device for its manufactured purpose.
Apparently at some point in her professional career, she began contemplating the tools other possible uses. Unfortunately, she didn’t give the same degree of careful contemplation to making sure her industrial style sex play was safe.
Given the ultimate results of Dent’s sexplorations, it is probably a good thing that she decided to engage in them in clear sight of her neighbors, one of whom called the police when loud moans of agony were heard over the sound of the jackhammer.
DecentCommunity.com reports that the neighbor had previously seen a nude Dent “struggling to direct a jackhammer toward her mid-section.” When authorities arrived on the scene, Dent was unresponsive and pronounced dead shortly after her arrival at West Grenier Hospital.
Dent had been visited by officers three times during the month prior to her dramatic death; each time due to complaints from neighbors that the recently divorced woman was running a prostitution ring from her home. Although the prostitution allegations were not substantiated, Dent did supplement her income with work as a sex toy distributor.
One neighbor described Dent as “a horny lady, especially after her husband moved out. My family could hear moans coming from her place all the time.”
Sadly for Dent, those days of loud moaning are over.
