INDIA — Once upon a time, India was known for many of its treasures, including its belief that the erotic and the divine could be combined to produce greater intimacy between loving partners. Today, with its HIV/AIDS rate acknowledge to be the world’s highest, the country is most famous for cheap telephone support work and a hostility toward the honest expression of sexuality that would give members of the American Religious Right a run for their money.Having made sex education illegal in many schools and recommended yoga be taught in its place, the latest victim in the modern Indian war against pleasure is the sex toy and the condom, especially in combination.

The Crezendo vibrating condom is the newest threat to Indian morality and in spite of the difficulty Indian men have in finding condoms that fit and the astonishingly high rate of HIV infection. The debate about whether or not the buzzing condom should be allowed into the country has nothing to do with its effectiveness against disease or unwanted pregnancy and everything to do with whether it affords its wearer and partner with too much enjoyment during intercourse.

At issue is whether the Crezendo is a condom or a sex toy. Sold and marketed within the country by Hindustan Latex Ltd., the items are available in three-condom packs that include a vibrating ring to keep them in place and provide additional stimulation. The Madhya Pradesh Public Welfare and Development Minister, Kailash Vijayvargiya contends that the devices are sex toys. Hindustan Latex, which advertises the condoms as “your passport to Pleasure” and “a 20-minute joyride through the realms of vibrating pleasure” disagrees, insisting instead that “It is not a sex toy, but simply a pleasure enhancer that is in great demand by the people.”

According to Vijayvargiya, the word “pleasure” is likely to be the big problem, since “Condoms are used for family planning. When they are used for pleasure with devices like vibrators, they become sex toys.”

Apparently there’s on multi-tasking allowed in India, or at least not in its bedrooms.

Vijayvargiya doesn’t seem particularly convinced that “the people” want the Crezendo. In fact, he insists that “Some students from a Bhopal institute complained to me a week ago about the abundant availability of sex toys,” which has prompted him to contact the Chief Minister and press for an outright ban of all such items, according to IANS.

What really bothers Vijayvargiya is that the government is involved in the manufacture of the Crezendo. It’s uncertain where the same government is in its intention to investigate the matter, however, given that the Madhya Pradesh Drugs Control Department is believed by the local media to have launched an investigation into the sale of vibrating condoms, while the Controller of Food and Drug Adminstration claims otherwise.

Meanwhile, Ajay Vishnoi, the Madhya Health Minister admits to being utterly “clueless” about the entire situation.

Vijayvargiya has ever intention of bringing the Health Minister up to speed, however, insisting that “The sale of such toys will lead to severe consequences in society, and they should be banned.”

Indeed, there are few more dangerous to society than a man and women enjoying safe and pleasurable sex with one another, especially within the bonds of matrimony.