By M. Christian
YNOT – In an industry that often appears populated by self-described experts, it’s important to listen to those who really have been there — people who not only have the knowledge and the experience but also have made it their life’s work to share what they’ve learned with other people.
Few of those cherished educators can match therapists Sybil Holiday and Dr. William A. Henkin. With their intelligence and experience, they have been on the forefront of sexual activism and education for a long time. Together, they’ve explored life roles as partners in process: teacher and student and student and teacher, Mistress and slave, counselor and supervisor, writers and speakers and workshop leaders, Mommy and baby and Daddy and baby, childhood sweethearts, spiritual co-counselors, lovers and partners, essence twins “and bestbest friends.”
YNOT sat down with Holiday and Henkin to talk about the state of sexual … everything, and what they foresee for the future.
YNOT: In your opinion, has commercial erotica gotten better or worse? If worse, what can adult business owners do to improve the situation?
William A. Henkin: I don’t think commercial erotica has gotten better or worse. The good stuff is still really, really good, and the bad stuff is still really, really bad. But because the web permits anyone to be a publisher now, or a retailer, or a service provider, the bad stuff is easier to find.
I’m not an adult business owner and would not pretend to know how commercial operators can improve their circumstances, but people still seek satisfaction, so I suspect that, as always, a producer has to find her or his markets, or be found by them. I harbor a fantasy that people always want the best, so producing the best is the way to go, but McDonald’s, Starbucks and their ilk prove that where commerce is concerned, I have my head in the clouds.
Sybil Holiday: I think there’s just more [commercial erotica] everywhere, and in my not-so-humble opinion that’s a good thing. It’s been my observation that the porn industry is no different than many other commercial ventures in that they seem to be more interested in what sells than in the actual quality of the product.
Have you noticed any recent trends in sexual activity/interests that may be of importance to adult business owners?
Holiday: Gender inclusion and non-traditional gender roles seem like pretty clear trends. Gender reassignment surgery is relatively new, especially for female to male. As we develop greater control over our bodies and genetics, our ways of classifying people are only going to get more specialized. This will show up in pornography. And I celebrate the fact that BDSM movies have gotten better — no more fake cane marks drawn with lipstick and really painfully inept rope bondage!
Henkin: I’m on several clinical, academic and research-oriented listservs where there has been a great hullabaloo recently about sex and gender entries in the forthcoming Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5) [the bible of professional organizations the American Psychiatric Association and the American Psychological Association –Ed.]. A significant proportion of the doctors writing and editing the book, many with strong roots in biological psychiatry, want to increase the number of diagnostic categories; they see solutions to peoples’ problems in pills that alter brain chemistry. As a psychodynamic therapist who identifies the causes of most psychological difficulties in traumatic events and relationships and seeks their solutions in deep understanding, I find this drift alarming. I sometimes think of it as putting a bandage on an un-cleaned wound.
I also find alarming the rise of the concept of “sex addiction,” which did not exist 30 years ago. The discovery that indulging in some pleasurable activities such as sex, gambling and watching television may generate the production of dopamine in the brain, just as taking cocaine can do, has led many people to conclude that behaviors can be addicting. This belief is one part of what is known as the “dopamine reward hypothesis.” But I’m very old-school in this matter: I believe an addiction requires that a substance be introduced into the body from outside, which, when it is withdrawn, results in physiological withdrawal symptoms. No behavior “addictions” can do this, though certainly people can become compulsive about behaviors.
I have worked with behavior addicts with sex issues who had spent years and even decades in 12-step programs, but found their “addictions” relaxing when the sources of their anxiety were addressed and they no longer needed to run from something in their histories. I wrote about this issue 20 years ago in an essay called “The Myth of Sex Addiction,” which in 2011 became the title of a book by someone else who had read my piece.
As sex therapists, are you seeing an increase or decrease in people with concerns about their sexuality?
Henkin: Since I’ve worked with sexual issues my entire career as a therapist, most people who come to see me have, and always have had, sexual concerns. I’m not really in a position to see an increase or a decrease.
Holiday: In my role as counselor, sexual concerns are the bulk of my practice, so my observations there are skewed. However, as a person I see an increase in people’s awareness of sexuality in general and their own in particular. This excites me.
As activists, where do you see the next battlefield in sexual rights?
Henkin: I wish it weren’t so, but I think the next battlefield will be wherever someone with a rigid mindset can stir up the fears of enough people to make noise. In the U.S., Canada and Europe, gay and lesbian rights seem almost to be won, though the matter is far from settled, but it is still possible to be imprisoned and tortured or executed for being gay or lesbian in many other parts of the world. Trans rights stir up huge amounts of acrimony from frightened people both here and abroad, and bisexual rights aren’t even on the radar of some gay and lesbian organizations. Meanwhile, the social conservatives in the U.S. are pushing hard to reverse Roe v Wade, and certainly they would like to push back on the hard-won rights of all sexual minorities.
Holiday: As I said before, gender inclusion and non-traditional gender roles seems like a pretty clear trend. But as Roe v Wade continues to be an issue, Proposition 8 [California’s constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage] has yet to be overturned, and gay rights are a big issue, I think our old battles at least need to be monitored if not further fought.
Sybil Holiday has had three careers during her life: burlesque performer, professional dominatrix and certified hypnotherapist. She has been active in San Francisco’s Leather and BDSM communities since 1980, and in 1984 was a founding member of The Outcasts, San Francisco’s woman-to-woman educational and social organization. Co-author with William Henkin of Consensual Sadomasochism( Daedalus Publishing Company, 1996), she has presented on the physical, psychological and spiritual aspects of BDSM nationwide at organizations, conferences and universities, and on radio and television.
Semi-retired, Holiday always will enjoy exploring states of body, mind and spirit, and being trained to be a Bodhisattva by her Maine Coon cat, MyGuy. For more about her, visit [url=http://www.sybilholiday.com/]SybilHoliday.com.
William A. Henkin, Ph.D., abandoned careers as a singer, university teacher, magazine editor and freelance writer to become a licensed psychotherapist and board-certified sex therapist. In addition to [/i]Consensual Sadomasochism, he has authored or co-authored more than a dozen books and edited as many more. For a quarter century he has conducted his private practice in San Francisco, Calif. For more, visit [url=http://www.drhenkin.com/]DrHenkin.com.
