VASSALBORO, ME — Just as tiny mammals needed to use their primitive smarts to survive their earliest evolutionary days, so much modern businesses employ not only excellent workers but innovative marketing techniques to stay in the game. One small town coffee shop has concluded that literally taking the shirts off of its wait staff’s backs may help everyone’s bottom line.“It’s just been crowds mobbing in,” Grand View Topless Coffee Shop owner Donald Crabtree explained to CNN upon the shop’s opening.
Unsurprisingly, Crabtree’s idea initially met with pushback within the town of 4,500, with some locals becoming incensed that hot coffee and bare chests should appear in close proximity to one another. Nonetheless, the planning board gave him the high sign to move ahead last week.
With more than 150 applicants for the shop’s available positions, it’s obvious that times are tough all over and that just another coffee shop probably would not have lasted long without a unique marketing twist.
“I know what people want,” he assured. “People like nudity, and coffee is profitable. Sure, I’d start a coffee shop, but I’d be out of work in a week.”
Ultimately hired were 10 women and five men, most of whom had been recently laid off and who fulfilled job responsibilities including friendly attitudes and an ability to “treat everyone equally.”
Although some might assume that only those with stripper and beach bodies need apply, Crabtree insists that “We didn’t hire ‘10s.’ We hired everyone from skinny to big-boned women.”
CNN reports that, in addition to being ecstatic to have jobs – and receive complements from patrons old enough to be their grandparents in some cases – the new hires are making excellent tips. According to the staff, $30 tips are common and one waitress received an extra $100 for serving what must have been a particularly delicious cup of coffee.
Crabtree’s brother Paul says the businesses’ first week has been “fantastic” – and the siblings report that a regular customer base is already starting to develop. Those with a prurient mind may be disappointed to learn that that base consists mostly of women and couples.
The Crabtrees see the topless coffee theme as likely only a temporary diversion along the road to success, but for now, that’s plenty.
“The economy is so bad,” Donald observes, “Everyone is losing their homes, their ties, everything they own. People leave here happy and can’t wait to come back. It’s nice to see people smile again.”
