Valerie is an escort who advertises online at www.funvalerie.com. “Funvalerie is the cure for the S & M* in your life,” her site proclaims; S&M standing for “*Snoring & Masturbation.”Actually FunValerie.com is much more; it’s a look inside the mind and sense of humor of this “temporary companion,” as she describes herself. “I am a charming and cute brunette,” she says. “I am very affectionate and cuddly. I am a very touchy feely person … I am the sort of person who would enjoy bouncing on a trampoline. I love sunny days and warm weather. I love to giggle. I enjoy being an escort.”
Intrigued by an escort website that is personal, funny, and unpretentious, we set up an appointment with Valerie… to talk.
YNOT: Many escorts can be found on the Web, but not on sites as personal and engaging as FunValerie.com. Why did you decide to take this approach?
Valerie: I decided to advertise on the Web to see what kinds of clients I would get. I continue to advertise on the web because I meet my best and nicest clients on the Internet. My clients enjoy my website because it allows them to get to know me before they meet me.
Being on the web helps my business. It allows my clients to screen themselves. The website is excellent advertising because people can meet me in cyber space without meeting me in person and so decide if I am the right lady for them in real life. The website also tells certain types of people to stay away from me. Basically, the website allows my personality to shine so that users and losers stay away.
I set a fun tone to my site because it attracts fun clients. I enjoy most of my clients. I like to
laugh and giggle. The tone of my site tends to discourage people who are out to harass escorts.
YNOT: Why do people hire you? Are they seeking some adventure and excitement in their lives? Or are they looking for something else?
Valerie: Yes, I have had quite a few people tell me that hiring me is a sort of adventure. It makes people feel brave and daring. Some people are dissatisfied with some part of their relationship. There are lots of people who are generally happy with their relationships who hire me to satisfy a need for something different which does not take away from their primary relationship.
The main reason people hire me is that they do not have a relationship at the present time and are lonely. Divorce does wonders for my business. Divorce brings me more clients than anything else. I offer clients a transitional relationship. The fiction is that men seek escorts while being dishonest with their wives. The truth is that most people I see have nothing to hide. They are looking for a part-time girlfriend and do not want to lie to someone and pretend that they want a full-time relationship when they are not ready for one.
People contact me for all sorts of reasons. The vast majority of contact is not from real clients
so it is necessary to be very careful in how I reply to email. Many people are looking for email
buddies, chat buddies, and girlfriends. Even the actual clients who I see frequently want
companionship more than anything else.
The most important part of my job is a sense of humor. People love to laugh.
YNOT: How do you like to be treated by your clients?
Valerie: Ideally, my clients treat me like a real girlfriend. They pay me first and we forget about the money thereafter and just have fun and giggles. I am big on fun and giggles. On a fun date, the payment is a formality which is soon forgotten. If I can develop good rapport with my client then he should feel like my long lost lover.
Some people feel the need to remind me that they paid me. That is OK if that is what they need. Some people need to feel the power of their money. Some people really rub it in by bargaining. I never bargain because it makes the whole transaction feel bad and it makes me want to end the date as fast as possible. On a good date, both parties make one another feel good. On a date that is not so good, it is only about money.
YNOT: All of your many photos online show you wearing dark sunglasses. Why?
Valerie: The dark glasses protect my identity. I live in the world of plausible deniability. I love my job and I realize that my job bothers some people. Also, some people enjoy harassing escorts and I need to protect myself from such harassment as best as I can.
YNOT: On FunValerie.com, you have the following disclaimer: “While the exchange of money for sex is legal in Canada, the solicitation of sexual services for money is not legal. To avoid illegal discussion of any kind, please, don’t email or telephone Valerie about Ottawa sex or any other related matters. To avoid costly criminal lawyer defense bills, Valerie can not reply to any emails or telephone calls which discuss or even appear to discuss sex in Ottawa…” Why?
Valerie: The disclaimer is very important for legal reasons. My lawyer and I crafted it together. I would advise all escorts to get legal advice and to have disclaimers based on relevant laws in their respective jurisdictions.
One of the problems with my industry is false complaints to the police from people who the escort may have declined to see. Legal disclaimers and legally correct language can help prevent all sorts of legal problems for the escort.
YNOT: You work in a service industry where you get to see sides of people not usually revealed. What have you learned about human nature as an escort?
Valerie: Human nature is endlessly fascinating. I can tell during the first thirty seconds if the appointment will go well or if there is trouble ahead. Some people are just happy people and some people would complain if they fell into paradise. It never ceases to amaze me what people do to ruin their appointments. Some people bargain, yell at me and tell me how every other escort has ripped them off. On the other hand, some people are totally fantastic and I have spent entire appointments laughing.
YNOT: So what is the life of an escort like for you personally?
Valerie: My day-to-day life is actually about the same as the day to day life of the typical Canadian. It is amazing but true. I just have more sex than most people. I also drive more than most people. Yes, I laugh more than most people.
I have had lots of interesting experiences. I have done all sorts of fetish appointments. I have
had fun couple appointments. I enjoy visiting with male/male couples – usually that would be two close male friends who want to share a lady for the evening.
The best part of the job is the very nice people. Plus, I love chest hair on men and I get to
play with lots of chest hair in my job. It is so soft and cuddly – just totally irresistible. The worse
part is all the harassment including fake calls, excessive emails, and demands for free services.
YNOT: So what does the future hold for Valerie?
Valerie: I would like to get into another business. I love being self-employed. I am a very tough boss and I am very tough on me. I expect me to perform at full capacity. No slacking off allowed. Escorting is not very lucrative because there are so many false calls. The best is that I get to meet many people and I get to appreciate many types of personalities.
