By Dave Cummings
YNOT – For an industry that seems to be losing the battle with piracy and copyright infringement, there seems to be a lot going on lately. Maybe it’s just circumstance? The annual X-Rated Critics Organization (XRCO) awards show takes place Wednesday evening in Hollywood; Thursday I’m shooting a boy-girl sex scene and Friday is the filming of Screw My Wife, Please, Vol 75, which I host for WildLifeXXX.com while doing my best to get some on-camera sex or oral from as many of the five wives as possible.
Maybe there’s some hope for porn production to get healthy again after all, or at least some wishful thinking going on.
Back to XRCO for a moment: Yes, that was me in a March segment of “The Colbert Report” that hilariously poked good-natured fun at the oldest guy ever to be inducted into the XRCO Hall of Fame. That will happen Wednesday night during the awards ceremony. I think Colbert and company used an AOL News story as the basis for the segment. It certainly was well done; not a “hit piece” against porn.
I receive a lot of emails from porn fans. Most communications are guys asking for information, but every once in a while I get one from a wannabe porn starlet. A few weeks ago, “Laura,” supposedly an 18-year-old girl from Germany, deluged me with questions about porn sets, sex acts and what positions she wanted to be filmed in. I insisted she supply me with proof of age documentation before I would respond to her questions. While serving in the U.S. Army I spent two years in Berlin as part of the Occupation Forces, so had she supplied me with definitive proof of age, I probably would tried to be helpful.
The photos she emailed me seemed to match her age. She said she likes older guys and wanted to be in a porn movie with me and other mature men. Long story short, when despite my repeated requests for a scan or email of her driver’s license to prove her identity and age, she found excuse after excuse why she couldn’t get it done until “tomorrow.” I terminated communications with her. Who knows? Maybe it was a scam, or maybe “she” actually was a “he” pretending to be an 18-year-old woman.
The baloney factor in some emails is time-consuming. I cite the aforementioned merely to alert everyone to be vigilant and alert at all time. There are many scams and time-wasters out there. Time is important nowadays, and we don’t need to waste it on people full of BS.
Since 1986, I’ve been a member of an international group of runners called the Hash House Harriers, sometimes referred to as “beer drinkers with a running problem.” It’s a fun (hares versus hounds) way to get exercise while also enjoying the participants and events. In the past six days, I’ve done 36 miles of jogging/brisk-walking, much of it while hashing. Today I played beach volleyball with other “hashers,” and I particularly enjoyed the flashing the girls do to get a second serve whenever they miss their first one.
Last year, one of our members, a jogger nicknamed “Dork,” suffered a burst aorta. He was left paralyzed from the waist down. Since there were approximately 350 males and 250 females in the different San Diego hash groups, we made certain he had plenty of visitors during his hospital stay. Some who shall remain nameless smuggled beer into his hospital room.
Long story short, he passed away last month as I was driving to the hospital to hang out with him and help him pass the time. Since I was there, I stayed with him for the two hours before the mortuary people moved him to the funeral home, and I even helped lift him from his hospital bed onto the mortuary gurney. As they were driving away, in what I can only describe as an almost-automatic response, I came to attention and saluted. I haven’t figured that out yet, but I guess it may be related to the military tradition of never leaving a fallen comrade on the battlefield.
Speaking of the military, last month I had some digestion-related surgery at the San Diego Naval Medical Center, and as was the case with eye surgery I had there last year, I was admitted overnight. Somebody recognized the Lt. Colonel in room 414 as porn star Dave Cummings, so I soon I had a lot of military well-wishers requesting autographs and snapping cell-phone photos as I walked around the ward once the sedation drugs wore off. An observation: Unlike at some non-military hospitals, which are businesses, the focus of military doctors, nurses, medics and support people is not money. Instead, it is all about providing topnotch care, regardless the rank or status of the patient.
Military personnel will work whatever extra hours it takes to provide professional care to their patients. Just like when I’m at military bases shopping or whatever, I felt secure in that hospital — like I was still in the military, even though I’m retired. God Bless America’s troops and their families!
Summer is coming, so stock up on sun block now — and actually use it.
Photo: Brittany Andrews and Dave Cummings, by Darklady.
Dave Cummings, “the world’s oldest porn star,” is a performer, producer and director. Visit him online at DaveCummings.com, DaveCummings.tv or DaveCummingsVOD.com.
