NEW YORK, NY — If the object of your lust is turning you down regularly, perhaps you need a new approach. Try telling the hard-to-get lady or gentleman you’re concerned about his or her health. The ploy may not be entirely truthful, but according to Forbes, it’s plausible. The financial magazine’s website even provides a handy list of scientific data to support the claim.You might start with “sex will make you smell better.” According to Forbes, sexual activity contributes to a surge in the hormone prolactin, which triggers the development of new neurons in the olfactory area of the brain, thereby sharpening one’s sense of smell. (Don’t blame YNOT if your phrasing of the concept leaves you with a broken nose, though.)
Or, offer to help out your beloved with his or her diet and fitness goals. “Honey, let’s be exercise buddies.” Forbes notes that vigorous sexual activity burns about the same number of calories as 15 minutes on a treadmill or an energetic game of squash (or tennis, for the less socially elite). A sexually aroused person’s pulse rate approximates that of an athlete delivering peak effort, and intercourse works many problem body areas: pelvis, thighs, buttocks, arms, neck and thorax. (In fact, that’s just about all the problem body areas.) Sex also boosts production of testosterone, which contributes to strong muscles and bones. According to Forbes, having sex three times weekly for a year can dispose of the excess baggage deposited by six Big Macs. (So see? McDonald’s does serve health food!)
Rousing rolls in the hay at a frequency of thrice weekly also has been shown to cut men’s risk of heart attack by half. (Note: This argument works best when delivered by the distaff side of humanity. Using it on a sex-averse woman might remind her there are plenty of other ways to do in a pesky horndog.) In addition, men who ejaculate frequently are thought to have a decreased risk of developing prostate cancer. One recent study suggested men in their 20s can cut their risk by a third simply by ejaculating more than five times a week. Because sexually transmitted diseases can contribute to the incidence of cancer, however, Forbes suggests men take the matter of ejaculation in to their own hands.
In women, sex reduces depression, but only if the male half of the equation does not use a condom, oddly. Sex also relieves pain by releasing oxytocin into the bloodstream at five times the normal level, thereby increasing the production of endorphins — the biological compounds that induce “runner’s highs.” As a bonus, sex increases estrogen levels, which fight PMS and contribute to healthy skin.
Sex benefits both sexes by reducing the frequency of colds and flu, according to Forbes. Studies at the Wilkes University in Pennsylvania showed a 30-percent increase in blood levels of the antibody immunoglobulin among subjects who had sex once or twice a week.
Last — but certainly not least — Forbes urged readers not to neglect the lowly blowjob (though the magazine couched the act in vague, delicate terms). According to unidentified researchers, “seminal plasma contains zinc, calcium and other minerals shown to retard tooth decay…. Suffice it to say that [oral sex] could be a far richer, more complex and more satisfying experience than squeezing a tube of Crest.”
So there you have it. Now you’re armed for your next social encounter. Wade in with gusto.
