When straight men have mostly female friends, is this a potential dating red flag – or the sign of a socially and emotionally mature prospect? Dave Stultz of The FEARLESS Man says that while guys have come a long way in platonic co-ed relationships, there may be other factors at play that women need to examine.
“Straight men having mostly or only female friends – truly platonic ones – is seen as odd, weird or outright suspicious because it usually – if not always – indicates some kind of lack of confidence and/or healthy masculinity,” says Stultz, who often speaks on this subject with FEARLESS founder Brian Begin at the duo’s popular workshops.
Stultz speaks of the ‘Nice Guy Syndrome’, where “men aren’t actually being genuinely nice, friendly and giving with people… they’re being nice to get something in return, which isn’t actually giving at all – it’s taking. They usually don’t even realize they’re playing this game, but at its core it is manipulative behavior.”
While healthy platonic male/female dynamics can easily exist and evolve based on the simple pleasure of one another’s company, Stultz adds that ‘nice guys’ are not authentic in their behavior and communication, staying ‘friends’ with the objects of their affection while hopeful for a chance at becoming ‘more than friends’.
“In terms of flirting and romance time, most women still prefer to communicate subtly – through eye contact, body language and other non-verbals, and little hints – and they want a masculine guy to step up, be emotionally intelligent about her subtle communication, and be more direct with them… these ‘nice guys’ won’t do this.”
Adding to the troublesome undercurrent of male/female relationships that muddy the waters is The Emasculated Man: “There’s a general lack of healthy, masculine men out there these days… even Hollywood has embraced the stereotype of the goofy, clownish guy who needs women to do everything, lead them through relationships and life like little boys – instead of the men stepping into leadership and staying relaxed and grounded under tension.”
Stultz adds that a truly confident, masculine man is what is desirable to women, in both platonic and romantic relationships, “because they are willing to be direct and real with people, rock the boat in favor of speaking and living their truths and hold healthy boundaries with a strong sense of self.”
For more information about becoming FEARLESS with Dave Stultz and Brian Begin, visit The Fearless Man.
