BOSTON, MA — Still reeling from a series of expensive and high publicity sex scandals involving Catholic clergy and non-consenting underage children, Boston is doing everything it can to improve its image — including installing Catholic priests in strip clubs, complete with confessionals, for those overcome with guilt about having looked admiringly at naked and semi-clad women of legal age.According to Hot Foxx Strip Club owner Joe Sharkey, his local Catholic diocese informed him that he had two choices: let it install a confessional in his club — or face the wrath of a citywide protest designed to cause him to lose his liquor license.
Faced with a Christian proposition like that, Sharkey did the only thing a reasonable strip club owner could do; he invited the celibates into his club to hear the confessions of the sexually experienced.
Initially the presence of a confessional didn’t sit well with Sharkey’s customers, but once the Church suggested that he offer a 25-percent discount to those who entered the booth to confess their deepest, darkest sins to the eager man inside, attitudes changed. In fact, one customer claims that having the confessional at his favorite strip club means that now he’s “killing two birds with one stone.”
No word on whether the brave holy fathers who staff the strip club confessionals have spent any time at the rack trying to minister directly to the fallen women — or have been required to pass a background check assuring management that they’re not convicted sex offenders.
