Positions are limited — apply now!
Bedbible, the British company that calls itself “your go-to-source for all things sex and sex toys” recently dialed it up an exciting, erotic notch by posting a “Head of Porn Research” position to round out their staff.
Ding Ding Ding! Hellooo! DREAM JOB!
Part-time and remote with an hourly wage of $20 for 50 hours of porn viewing it’s an absolute no brainer to throw your panties… er, hat in the ring. All the job requires is a good internet connection and a genuine willingness to study porn the way it should be studied – with a keen eye and attention to detail.
According to The Sun, the lucky person who scores this prestigious position will be required to gather information about certain areas of porn such as sex position, duration, number of orgasms, male to female ratio, hair color and language distribution. Does this sound like your ideal gig? Great! Wait. Not so fast. There’s going to be some tough competition. YNOT hates to report this, but within 48 hours of posting the company received 31,000 applications.
Eek! WTF! Are you kidding me?
Don’t fret mon petit chou. Sure, Bedbible is most likely overwhelmed by the incredible selection of candidates devoted to watching porn and has closed the floodgates. But don’t let that get you down. We’ve got your back! Let’s get your resume in tip top shape for the next time a position for Head of Porn Research comes down the pike so it can quickly cut through all the church youth counselors, economic professors and baristas who will be your competition.
Roll up your sleeves!
1) Be sure to include your OBJECTIVE at the top of your resume. This is where you let employers know your career goals and why you’re applying. Please, none of this hoity toity crap that you’d like to obtain a position where you can share you passion for customer service. That’s just not gonna fly. Your objective should be that you’d like to obtain a position where you can sit on you bum and get paid for watching what you already enjoy watching: Porn. Trust us, they’ll appreciate your candor.
2) List your PREVIOUS EMPLOYMENT. Make sure however, that you also list how much time on the job you should’ve been working but were watching porn without your boss knowing. This will show you’re dedicated to the craft of watching porn.
3) EDUCATION. Have a degree from Harvard? Who cares, stop trying to show off. Talk about how many articles you’ve read from YNOT – now that’s a porn education!
4) SKILLS. Multi-tasker, good with people, can type 140 words a minute? Nobody gives a fuck! Include important skills like being able to quickly erase past browser history when watching porn on public computers, being perfectly able to mimic sex positions in real life after watching porn, and having an open mind – i.e. never saying “Eww” even if it is “Eww.”
5) Be creative. Be you. Let them see your special personality! Or not. (Frankly, it depends on the particulars of your personality — and YNOT doesn’t know you well enough to say which way you should go with this one.)
Let YNOT know if you score an interview as a Porn Researcher with any of our curated tips. We’re pulling for you to win the job of pulling for Bedbible!
Image by Linda Eller-Shein from Pexels.
