CYBERSPACE – A funny thing happened recently as I was conducting research into the varying nature of “obscenity” regulations and related laws from country-to-country around the globe. On a whim, I tried a variety of searches that incorporated both the terms “united nations” and “porn.”I had a vague idea of what I might find; mostly talk about the scourge of child porn, international efforts to stamp out CP, the challenges presented by the internet, and the usual discussions thereof.
Amid a sea of the expected, though, I found what I can only describe as a truly bizarre “convergence of conservatism;” namely American Christian conservatism and the social conservatism of several Muslim states.

One of the links returned in my searches led to a curious little nugget, dated March 11, 2003, on the “Concerned Women For America” website. The article, an opinion piece, is entitled U.N. Delegates: Let’s Talk About Porn along with the provocative subtitle: Feminists are furious…and flailing. Ah! The sounds of true progress!

“A most unusual – and rather delightful – thing is happening at the United Nations Commission on the Status of Women (CSW) Conference,” the article begins. “Countries are actually pulling together and utilizing their diplomatic powers to work to eliminate violence against women instead of pushing the tired feminist agenda of reproductive rights.”

The CWFA article bemoans the fact that the “CSW agenda nowhere mentions pornography in the media or how the industry encourages prostitution and fuels violence against women and girls,” but applauds several countries which “offered their own language on the subject, challenging members to denounce pornography and prostitution” and for addressing “gender role stereotypes that contribute to the prevalence of violence against women, including in the media and with particular attention to the pornography industry.”

What countries, you might ask? Who were these defenders of women’s rights that the CWFA finds it “delightful” to have “pulling together?” What countries were among those helping us all to address “gender role stereotypes?”

Well, the list includes several nations frequently recognized for their well-documented commitment to women’s rights, including (drumroll please…) Iran, Egypt and Pakistan!

I’ll bet you didn’t know these were such forward-thinking places on the subject of women’s rights, eh? I mean, who knew Pakistan could teach us so much about negative gender role stereotypes?

To be fair, the statements cited by CWFA appear reasonable enough, at least on their surface.

“Iran and Egypt offered a new section stating, ‘Treat prostitution as a harmful practice which causes serious and sustained psychological harm and traumatic stress for women, thus promoting immense violence against women’,” the CWFA reports.

Pakistan further pleased the CWFA by mentioning pornography, specifically.

“Pakistan also introduced a new section stating, ‘Strengthen the implementation of all human rights instruments in order to combat and eliminate, including through international cooperation, organized and other forms of trafficking in women and children, including trafficking for the purpose of sexual exploitation, pornography, prostitution and sex tourism.’”

It’s hard to argue for human trafficking, but in a general sense, taking Egypt, Iran and Pakistan’s lead on women’s rights issues strikes me as something akin to consulting the Ku Klux Klan for ethnic sensitivity training….

Comparisons between disparate forms of religious conservatism have been drawn many times in the past. Some in the media have drawn connections between, for example, fatwa-issuing Shiite clerics in Iran and the delusional ramblings of Pat Robertson here in the US – but I’ve yet to see Robertson cite an Iranian cleric as an intellectual ally.

Maybe it was just “the times,” though. Something about 2003; the world seems to have come down with a severe case of pornophobia.

As I looked around further, I discovered that in October of 2003, the leader of another UN member-state – albeit one that isn’t a real big fan of the UN – weighed in by proclaiming its very own, official anti-porn week

The proclamation designated October 26 through November 1, 2003 “Protection From Pornography Week” in the UN-member nation, although it appears to have been “celebrated” with little fanfare. Despite that lack of anti-porno pomp and circumstance, the author of the Proclamation had no doubt as to the vital importance of “Protection From Pornography Week.”

“Pornography can have debilitating effects on communities, marriages, families, and children,” wrote the Proclamation’s author. “During Protection From Pornography Week, we commit to take steps to confront the dangers of pornography.”

What country found it necessary to set aside a week to be “protected” from pornography? What nation would see this symbolic act as worthy of the ink it required to write the document, much less the time it took their executive officer to sign the decree?

Why, it was the United States of America, naturally.

“Now, therefore, I, George W. Bush, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim October 26 through November 1, 2003, as ‘Protection From Pornography Week.’ I call upon public officials, law enforcement officers, parents, and all the people of the United States to observe this week with appropriate programs and activities.”

The document doesn’t specify what these “appropriate programs and activities” are, so I thought I’d offer a few humble suggestions of my own to put into play during the next edition of ‘Protection From Pornography Week.’

Rap Against Raunch: This would be a HUGE benefit concert with all the rappers who have come out strongly against porn in the past. Featured performers would include Snoop…hmm, perhaps not Snoop. Maybe 50 Cen… wait, no not him either. How about Kid Ro…, rats. OK, then – Lil John… shit, not him either, I guess.

Ok, so we’ll have to work on the talent pool issue a little, but I’m fairly certain we could get the ever-popular Steven Baldwin to MC, no problem, as long as we include a few evangelist Christian gangstas in the mix….

Bring Your Bible to Work Day: This wouldn’t really help “protect” you from porn, exactly… but it would present the option of hitting your perverted co-workers upside the head with several pounds of Gospel! (For this purpose, I recommend a large-print, leather-bound edition of the King James translation…)

Self-Mutilate For Morality: This one should have real “hipster appeal” for all you tough guys in the audience. This October, instead of getting the same ol’ Celtic knot tattoo or piercing your nipple (again), take an anti-porn challenge for the true bod-mod aficionado: chop off that naughty sexual organ of yours and do your part for both masturbation prevention and global population control with a single stroke of the knife!

Hopefully, this Protection From Pornography Week is still around and these ideas will come in handy. It really ought to be made a federal holiday or something.

Say… wait a minute, here. At the very least, adult webmasters should get a paid week off! It would only make sense in promotion of Protection From Pornography Week, right?