BOLIVIA, NC — Bird Island’s 1,300 acres provide a variety of sanctuaries ideal for kicking back, stretching out and basking in the sun while worries and stress melt away. According to authorities, however, it may also now be the perfect place to be arrested for public nudity.
Although a sign on the seashore of Sunset Beach warns visitors that they may encounter bare flesh on the enormously popular nude sunbathing beach, North Carolina Brunswick County officials have decided that enough is enough. After all, a parent has complained.

Given the beach’s seclusion, lack of clear municipality jurisdiction and previously lax enforcement of the state’s ban on nude sunbathing, the warm Atlantic Ocean breezes have brushed the skin of many a sun worshipper.

But no more.

This past Monday the county Board of Commissioners announced that Commissioner Marty Cooke and the Brunswick County Sheriff’s Department will replace the current sign warning of the possibility of nudity with a new sign warning that exposing the entirety of one’s epidermis to the sun while in the natural setting is illegal and will be punished.

Cooke explained to the press that the offended parent in question was upset not merely because the beach is not registered as an officially nude beach or that beach visitors still have the audacity to not wear tiny bikinis and Speedos, but that those not wearing them do so in flagrant violation of the state law.

“It has become almost an accepted fact that Bird Island is a nude beach,” Cooke pointed out without presenting any reasons for it to be otherwise.

The new sign will also warn visitors that setting off fireworks and littering are also illegal.