YNOT – The men of New Orleans have more to crow about than the Saints’ victory in this year’s Super Bowl. According to a new statistical analysis by condom retailer Condomania, average penis size in the city indicates the emphasis in the nickname “The Big Easy” belongs on the middle word.New Orleans took the top spot in Condomania’s ranking of major U.S. cities by penis size. The men of Washington, D.C., came in a close second, apparently putting the lie to the notion the nation’s capital is filled with nothing more than big talk, big egos and big, empty promises. San Diego, New York City and Phoenix rounded out the top five.
As for the “biggest” states, one of the smallest came out on top. According to Condomania, New Hampshire’s guys are the most well-endowed on average, followed by Oregon, New York, Indiana and Arizona. The survey also indicated penises are larger, on average, in “blue states” than in “red states.” [Ed.: Looks like penis envy may explain at least a little about the antipathy between Democrats (blue states) and Republicans (red states).]
Condomania’s rankings stand out in that they aren’t based on self-reported details. The company believes that difference means their stats aren’t as subject to “inflation” as the figures used by other penis-size-rankers. The Condomania list was based on international sales statistics for the company’s TheyFit condoms, which are available in 76 sizes ranging from three to 10 inches in length and “super slim” to “extra roomy” in girth. Since the product’s introduction in 2004, Condomania has tracked sales encompassing more than 27,000 men in 70 countries.
“After gathering detailed information on over 27,000 penises, we now have the most comprehensive database of penis sizes on the planet,” said Director of Technology Chris Filkins. “Needless to say, these men’s privacy is our utmost concern, and we’re interested only in the statistics and not who’s who. But the data itself is pretty interesting.”
Previously, the largest formal survey of penis sizes was conducted in 1948 by researchers working for controversial biologist Dr. Alfred Kinsey. In that study, 2,500 men recorded their erect penis sizes on pre-stamped cards. Condomania’s ten-times-larger database was compiled from TheyFit’s “FitKit” measuring system, which requires users to measure the length and girth of their erect penis to the millimeter. A chart then allows them to match their results to one of 76 possible length-and-girth combinations.
“Unlike other studies in which participants were measuring their penis size solely for the sake of recording a measurement — and were perhaps more likely to exaggerate — our database is comprised of men looking for the best fit condom for safety and comfort, and thus, we believe, apt to be more accurate,” Filkins said. “The customer satisfaction surveys we received overwhelmingly indicated that men of all sizes, but particularly those on either end of the size spectrum, benefited immensely from a properly fitting condom.”
According to Filkins, when the figures for length are graphed, the result is a nearly perfect bell curve: 25 percent of buyers measure less than five inches in length, 50 percent fall between five and six inches, and 25 percent claim six inches or more.
The top 20 U.S. cities by penis size are:
1. New Orleans
2. Washington DC
3. San Diego
4. New York City
5. Phoenix
6. Portland
7. Atlanta
8. San Francisco
9. Chicago
10. St. Louis
11. Seattle
12. Miami
13. Indianapolis
14. Columbus
15. Boston
16. Denver
17. Los Angeles
18. Detroit
19. Philadelphia
20. Dallas/Ft. Worth
In size order, the states shake out like this:
1. New Hampshire
2. Oregon
3. New York
4. Indiana
5. Arizona
6. Hawaii
7. Louisiana
8. Massachusetts
9. Alabama
10. Washington
11. New Mexico
12. California
13. Arkansas
14. Nevada
15. Virginia
16. Tennessee
17. Illinois
18. Oklahoma
19. South Dakota
20. Georgia
21. Pennsylvania
22. Mississippi
23. Michigan
24. Florida
25. Rhode Island
26. Kansas
27. Maryland
28. Minnesota
29. Vermont
30. Connecticut
31. Wisconsin
32. New Jersey
33. North Dakota
34. Idaho
35. Texas
36. Missouri
37. Montana
38. Ohio
39. Nebraska
40. Colorado
41. Maine
42. North Carolina
43. Delaware
44. South Carolina
45. Kentucky
46. West Virginia
47. Alaska
48. Iowa
49. Utah
50. Wyoming
