LAKE FOREST, Calif. – Former Christian Robert Reynolds says online pornography has “transformed” his heart and mind. His not-so-highly publicized exit from the Christian community after converting to porn-surferism has also inspired other members of his family to reconsider both their faith and their stance on pornography.
“The best decision I made was not to read the Bible for a full year, so I could really focus on my masturbation technique and get a better sense of who I am as a person and a sexual being,” Reynolds said. “I became an entirely new person, one with a much more open mind. Plus, I saved hundreds of dollars by giving up my financially crippling tithing habit.”
It all started one morning when Reynolds heard a voice while making coffee in his kitchen.
“Being a devout Christian at the time, at first I thought it was the voice of God,” Reynolds said. “Then I realized it was a woman’s voice coming through the open window of the house next door. I thought she was in distress, so I ran out to the side yard to see what was going on. To make a long story short, while my neighbor honestly should check to make sure his window is closed before firing up porn videos, I saw things that morning that have fundamentally changed my life.”
Bent on finding the same video he caught a glimpse of through his neighbor’s window, Reynolds began randomly entering sex acts and physical descriptions of the performers into internet search engines.
“It took a lot of looking around, but on the third page of results for ‘blonde teen anal facial cumshot,’ there it was,” Reynolds said. “By the third or fourth ass-to-mouth sequence, I knew I’d found the answer to questions I had been asking my entire life.”
Reynolds said while he had no doubts about his new direction, initially his friends and family were very skeptical.
“Bob and I met in Sunday school as kids,” recalled lifelong friend James Jennings. “We’d seen each other at church almost every weekend since, so it was a real shock for me to hear he’d decided to spend Sunday mornings jerking off to porn instead.”
With a bible in one hand and an ample supply of righteous indignation in the other, Jennings descended upon Reynolds after church one Sunday for what he called a “come to Jesus” talk.
“It wound up being more of a ‘cum on Jenna’ conversation by the time it was over,” Jennings admits. “I might have had the better scriptural arguments, but he definitely had the superior porn stash.”
Jennings said the two of them argued for about an hour before Reynolds, exasperated, put on Lexi Belle’s scene from Big Wet Asses 22.
“As easy it as it was for Jim to be anti-porn in the abstract, once he saw Lexi’s gyrating ass having oil poured all over it while set to techno music, he pretty much forgot all about our discussion,” Reynolds said. “He just asked if I could send him the link, then left without another word after confirming I’d hit ‘send’ on the requested email.
“I don’t think he was quite ready to fully accept the power of porn at that moment, but he’d definitely taken an important first step.”
Even Reynold’s sister, Rebecca, admitte she has “jumped on the porn bandwagon.”
“All my life, I’ve been completely anti-porn,” she said. “The church was so adamant about it being wrong and sinful, I’d never even given porn a chance — not even back in college, when I was pretty wild, let me tell you. This one time, I skipped a bible study session so I could make out with a guy named Chuck Wilcox while we watched the original Footloose, but until Bob’s porn-conversion, that was as close to porn as I had come, other than occasionally reading Cosmo while waiting in the lobby at my dentist’s office.”
Just a few short months into her stunning erotic rebirth, Rebecca said she’s now a “full-on bondage fan.”
“I’m not talking about some weak, tame 50 Shades crap either,” Rebecca explained. “We’re talking serious dominance and degradation, and plenty of severe flogging.”
Not everyone in Reynolds’s family is as accepting of his choice. His mother Regina, for example, has warned him never again to bring up pornography during family gatherings, lest he risk being left off the invite list in the future. Still, even Regina can see something of a silver lining in Reynolds’s burgeoning interest in blue movies.
“I guess I’m glad Robert finally has a hobby that has held onto his interest,” Regina said. “I don’t think he played the clarinet for more than a week before he stuck it in his closet, never to be played again. It’s just that I’d really rather not discuss the finer points of double penetration and bukkake while eating hot dogs and potato salad.”
Reynolds said he spends a lot of time these days counseling friends who remain “trapped in the clutches of the church,” as he put it.
“People find a lot of comfort in religion, so it’s not always easy to get them to open up their groins and let Ron Jeremy into their lives,” Reynolds said. “Plus, it’s a very personal thing. Nobody can go to a tube site for you, after all. It’s a journey you have to take on your own — with a little help from your ISP, obviously.”
