Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion are not the first female recording artists to get explicit about straight female sexuality. They’re following in the footsteps of such greats as Missy Elliot, Lil Kim, and many others. But with their new single, “WAP,” they are doing it big, loud, brilliantly, and unapologetically — and during one of the bleakest years in memory. The world can use a little WAP these days.

“WAP”stands for “wet-ass pussy,” and the song delights in graphic descriptions of sex acts and sexual anatomy, packing such twerk-worthy lyrics as: “Bring a bucket and a mop for this wet-ass pussy”; “Put this pussy right in your face/Swipe your nose like a credit card”; “Not a garter snake, I need a king cobra/With a hook in it, hope it lean over”; and “I want you to touch that lil’ dangly thing that swing in the back of my throat.”

The song, released last Friday, has been a point of delightful color amidst the pall of a pandemic that’s dragging on to the six-month mark, suppressing the production of porn that would normally provide the world with its share of well-soaked vaginas. And YNOT is far from alone in thinking so. The single and its accompanying video (which had to be censored for YouTube) have garnered praise from fans and critics alike.

Celebrities from Viola Davis to Halle Berry to Christina Aguilera have posted their approval of the song. The Guardian rhapsodized dryly, “There is something rebellious and subversive in women, especially oft-oversexualized black women, openly discussing enthusiasm and predilections for intercourse.” Teen Vogue wrote, “‘WAP’ is a perfect example of women specifically communicating their sexual desire — something we have relatively few examples of in pop culture.” And Vulture called the song “the very embodiment of filthy, delirious joy, a paean to loving your vagina so much that you must dance about it with friends and tigers in a shallow indoor pool.”

But, of course, this is America, where we can’t just enjoy women’s sexuality. This latest expression of two women of color rhapsodizing about their bodies and desires has sparked outrage among the religious and political right—you know, the dried-up folks who call pornography a “public health crisis” amidst an actual pandemic, yet refuse to wear masks in public. Because it’s easier to police women’s bodies than their own. Right-wing commentator Ben Shapiro tried to shame the musicians for their lyrical shamelessness by reading some of the lyrics aloud—a video which will live forever in infamy online. His wife, a doctor, went on to declare that having a wet-ass pussy is a sign of a yeast infection or bacterial vaginosis—“as though,” wrote The Guardian, “arousal was foreign enough for her to treat it as a sexually transmitted infection.” 

Meanwhile, Republic congressional hopeful DeAnna Lorraine tweeted that the song was “disgusting & vile” as well as “trash and depravity.” And James P. Bradley, another Republican congressional aspirant, announced to the world that the song “made me want to pour holy water in my ears.” As if anybody asked.

Cardi B & Megan Thee Stallion just set the entire female gender back by 100 years with their disgusting & vile “WAP” song.

— DeAnna Lorraine 🇺🇸 (@DeAnna4Congress) August 7, 2020

But the rest of us—starved for new studio porn as we’ve been for months while we sit at home and miss our summers—are into deeply into “WAP.” Page Six reported on Wednesday that they were “exclusively told that after the ultra-raunchy video dropped Friday, searches for the stars on Pornhub skyrocketed. The service tells us that searches for Cardi [B] surged 235 percent, and 210 percent more people looked up Meg[an Thee Stallion] content.” 

A quick look at Pornhub’s trending searches will attest to the song’s popularity, as well. As of the time I’m writing this, “WAP” is the top trending search on the self-proclaimed “world’s biggest porn site.” And while there aren’t many videos tagged that way yet, that seems certain to change. In fact, this keen-eyed observer of pop culture and porn trends is willing to bet that within a few months, “WAP” will be an established porn tag. Maybe even a category.

It’s about time, too. Because while raging, rock-hard, enormous boners are an expected part of the porn-viewing experience, wet-ass pussy isn’t necessarily a foregone conclusion. (Squirting porn is still a niche, and squirting is not the same as vaginal lubrication, which is what Cardi and Megan are talking about in “WAP.”) Many’s the time I’ve agonized over a scene in which the vagina appeared entirely unlubricated—which is not just uncomfortable but dangerous! Microfissures can lead to STI transmission, BV, and UTIs! Look it up, folks. Or listen to the gynecologist that Vulture interviewed to rebuff right-wing claims and assure readers that WAPs are natural, wonderful, and good for sex.

Anyway, the point is: a healthy dose of empowered female sexuality, deliciously dirty song lyrics, and pissing off the sexually repressed is exactly what we needed at this point in 2020. Thanks, Cardi and Megan. We needed this.

Mop and bucket photo by Pixabay from Pexels