BELGIUM — Americans are uniquely repressed when it comes to being frank about a number of things, especially related to sex. Perhaps one of the strangest things that Americans prefer not to discuss is precisely what condoms are used for – and what part of the body they’re specifically made to cover. Not so in Europe.
While men and women in the United States speak euphemistically about intercourse and slide condoms over bananas in order to demonstrate how they work, European advertisers cut straight to the chase.
Perhaps the cheekiest of the new wave of body part specific condom ads is currently airing in Belgium – and stars an impressive line-up of American celebrities.
Or, in this case, their genitals.
Belgian brand Love Condoms ads are currently circulating with big names including Bill Gates, Arnold Schwarzenegger, John Lennon, Val Kilmer and Sid Vicious generously exposing themselves in the name of safer and less productive sex.
Not literally, of course, what with Lennon being dead and Schwarzenegger too busy watching his state slide closer to bankruptcy, but through the glory that is graphic design.
“I finally discovered an efficient antivirus” the condom-covered penile “nose” of Gates proclaims in one Love Condom ad.
“With all those soldiers around you,” Schwarzenneger’s tattooed and carefully wrapped cock schnoz advises, “it’s better to be protected.”
Lennon’s wang emerges from under his signature eyewear and center parted hair in order to communicate a simple message of “Peace and love condom,” while a jet fighter helmet wearing schlong claiming an association with Kilmer assures that “With Love Condoms I reach the G-point in 8.7 seconds.”
And eternal outlaw, Vicious? Just because he’s dead doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about the future. “With Love Condom,” the red Mohawk sporting dick in New Wave glasses observes, “Punk has a future again.”
