BANGOR, ME — What will those crazy, mixed-up nudists try next? According to the Bangor Daily News, the venerable sport of bowling has fallen under the sway of naked practitioners. Surely a sign of the Apocalypse.The naked practitioners in question call themselves the Bare Nekkid Mainers and they’ve taken to renting the town bowling alley so that they can hurl their heavy balls down gleaming waxed lanes, unhindered by the confinement of garments, other than the quintessentially fashionable bowling shoe, of course.

Why bowling?

As the groups bowling event coordinator points out, “Hey, you can’t go skinny-dipping at this time of year.”

Good thinking.

So far the Bare Nekkids have bowled three games in the raw, which suggests that the local bowling alley has an excellent heating system and the Bare Nekkid Mainers have excellent focus.

During those three occasions, the alley was closed to the public, with its doors and windows obscured with paper, and private party signs posted for any who might hope to satisfy an insatiable bowling Jonz.

Nonetheless, an inattentive parent walked past it all with his 8-year-old son in tow. Upon catching sight of a naked pool player and not liking what he saw, he contacted the police, who checked into it and found nothing illegal.

Charles “Chip” Carson, the owner of the bowling alley in question, has no complaints about his unorthodox renters. “I have absolutely no problem with it,” he assured the Bangor Daily News, “and I hope nobody else does. They just happen to like having a good time without their clothes on.”

Although some may fear that such an availability of potentially moist flesh would be a health if not a moral risk, Carson points out that the group, which brings its own towels to sit on and requires minors to be accompanied by an adult, “are the cleanest people that you’ve ever met in your life.”