MONTGOMERY, AL — When the U.S. Supreme Court refused to hear Sherri Williams’ nine-year-old Alabama sex toy case, those who consider the pleasure devices to be among the most destructive forces in the universe likely heaved an enormous sigh of relief. Surely, they must have concluded, the perverts will finally shut the fuck up and everyone can go back to being either sexually repressed or spending their sin dollars out of state. They underestimated the passion of those who think that the last place the government belongs is in the bedrooms of the citizenry.

It was one thing when Libertarian gubernatorial candidate Loretta Nall used her blog to launch the “Sex Toys for Troy King” drive, which aims to send clean toys to the vibrator-phobic state attorney general. But when Rep. John Rogers took on the battle, things got more serious.

It’s true that Rogers managed to earn the House of Representatives’ “Shroud Award” in 2003 for introducing the year’s most moribund piece of legislation when he attempted to get the state’s sex toy sale ban repealed, but his dedication to removing the outdated and pointlessly intrusive law remains strong. The proof of that can be seen in the 25-year political veteran’s latest attempt to give the American public one less reason to view Alabama as a national laughing stock.

After pointing out that even “a shower head could be considered as a sex toy” and therefore land its retailer in violation of the law, Rogers announced that changing the law is necessary, if for no other reason than that of “just bringing the state into the 20th century.”

Given that the ban ultimately does nothing but deny Alabamans the opportunity to make money, the 67-year-old father of two daughters and one son has introduced legislation similar to his previous attempt to overturn the decade-long law.

Naturally, Christian morality groups will continue to fight against such legislature, in spite of the fact that even moral role models including Gary Aldridge, a Jerry Falwell blessed Alabama minister, appear to love sex toys. Perhaps the fact that the deeply closeted Aldridge was found dead, hogtied and covered from head to toe in leather, with a dildo up his ass is part of what has led Dan Ireland, the executive director of the Alabama Citizens’ Action Program to declare that the prohibition of sex toy sales within the state must be maintained because “Sometimes you have to protect the public against themselves.”

Ironically, Ireland will not find the Christian Coalition of Alabama joining his group in standing strong against vibration and insertion, since it has pragmatically concluded that “It seems we have better things to deal with than that.”

Joining the openly religiously biased anti-sex toy forces in opposing Rogers’ attempts is state Attorney General King who, in spite of his recent acquisition of an inflatable sex pig thanks to Nall’s efforts, has insisted that the law needs not so much to be overturned as better defined. Perhaps the need for greater clarity stems from a desire on the part of Troy’s staff to find an excuse to look at copious numbers of sex toys – or perhaps Troy simple doesn’t want to run the risk of bathroom fixture retailers winding up in jail for selling vibrating shower massages.

Whatever the reason, whether Rogers and his goal to bring his state into the last century will succeed is yet unknown. Nonetheless, some are taking comfort from the refusal of a circuit judge last month to enforce the ban within the city of Hoover, AL. Further, although the 11th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals refused to overturn the law in 2004, stating that it could find no proof of a law guaranteeing sexual privacy, it did state that the law could be repealed if the it were determined that “the prohibition of sex toys is misguided or ineffective or just plain silly.”

Given that the world has been pointing its finger at Alabama for a decade and laughing itself silly, some believe that such a determination has been reached, at least in the court of public opinion.

Meanwhile, Ireland continues to insist that the ban is a “good law” that keeps citizens safer. As he sees it, “Sexual matters are not to become a nuisance to people and the community.” Obviously unaware that many consider the need to cross state lines in order to buy a silicone cylinder or a vibrating rubber ducky to be a “nuisance” he justifies his opinions by attempting to equate sexual satisfaction with criminal activity by stating that “We have enough problems with sexual-oriented crimes without enticing or promoting it.”

Nonetheless, Rogers remains optimistic that the ban is not only unconstituional but will soon be a thing of the past.

The 2008 session of the Alabaman legislature will begin on February 5th, at which time Rogers plans to introduce his bill. “I intend to pass this bill this year,” he assures voters. “I want it to be one of the first bills on the calendar.”

Those who wish to send Attorney General Troy King a clean sex toy may do so by directing them to the State of Alabama Attorney General’s Office, 11 South Union Street, Third Floor, Montgomery, AL 36130.