• June 25th, 2015
    Business News
    content/attachments/24137-womansoccerball-jpg.html OTTAWA, Canada – With the pressure building on U.S. soccer officials to impose some sort of discipline or penalty on the American squad’s starting goalkeeper Hope Solo, team officials announced today she will be replaced in the lineup for Friday’s game against China by a little-known backup keeper named Dream Girl-Girl.

    “Hope has done a fantastic job in goal for team U.S., but I think her ongoing off-field issues simply became too great a distraction,” said a representative of the United States Soccer ...
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    June 24th, 2015
    Legal and Politics News
    content/attachments/24131-troll-jpg.html SUFFERN, N.Y. – Raybeam Systematics LLC, a subsidiary of Patents ‘R Us Corp. and sister company of Takadumpi Technologies LLC, has filed a patent infringement class action against “any and all past, present and future users, viewers, vendors, distributors and consumers of movies distributed on DVD, Blu-ray disc, VHS cassette, Betamax tape, laser disc, compact disc” and other mediums, the company announced today.

    “While we appreciate the fact these patents have enabled billions of people to enjoy everything ...
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    June 23rd, 2015
    Business News
    content/attachments/24124-stripper-jpg.html TAMPA, Fla. – Sitting in her dressing room, a topless dancer named Olivia flips through a stack of wrinkled bills, arranging them in order of value to ease counting her take for the evening.

    “Every day another dumb guy turns 21,” she muses. “And every day, one of them wants to check out a strip club. I’ll never run out of regulars.”

    While she occasionally expresses some degree of reticence about her ongoing licentious larceny, Olivia can’t help laughing at the “retards” who stuff their hard-earned ...
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    June 22nd, 2015
    Legal and Politics News
    content/attachments/24118-squid-jpg.html LOS ANGELES – In what is believed to be the first punitive action of its kind, Cal/OSHA has cited a leading Hentai studio for violations of the state’s blood-borne pathogen regulations even though the studio employs no human performers.

    “This complaint from these Ocean people, it no make sense,” said Hidehiko Ikegami, a spokesman for Aishimasu Shokushu Inc. “The cartoon, she has no blood but what we draw on her. How can get or give the dishonor of germ which make penis ache during urination, much less ...
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    June 18th, 2015
    Business News
    content/attachments/24099-internext2002-jpg.html LOS ANGELES – There was a time when Kristof Johan Johannesburg (better known within the adult entertainment industry as “QuantumDough Kris”) could tell you stories of debauchery engaged in and lucrative deals done at past adult industry tradeshows in vivid detail, right down to the names of the strippers he unsuccessfully wooed during otherwise productive boat-based webmaster parties in South Florida.

    These days, Johannesburg sid, he’s lucky if he even remembers which city hosted the most recent show, ...
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    June 17th, 2015
    Video News
    content/attachments/24095-earthcore-jpg.html MONTREAL – Leading adult tube site CrunkShack has launched a crowdfunding campaign to send a piloted “Subterrene” drill vehicle toward the center of the earth, in order to shoot the first porn scene ever filmed within the earth’s mantle.

    “It has always been a dream of mine to be fucked in the ass while surrounded by superheated molten rock flows,” said Julia Vernon, one of the performers tapped by CrunkShack to make the groundbreaking subterranean booty call. “When I was invited to join the mission, all ...
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    June 15th, 2015
    Business News
    content/attachments/24083-dominiquestrauss-kahn-jpg.html PARIS – The good news just keeps rolling in for Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the controversial and perpetually horny former chief of the International Monetary Fund.

    Soon after acquittal in a French court on charges of aggravated pimping, irritated pandering and mildly exasperated soliciting, the beleaguered DSK received a job offer from the one prospective employer who would never be put off by the lurid details of his recent past: GARISH Entertainment Chief Executive Officer Eztebe Harsch.

    ...
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