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Republican Senator Dumps X-Rated Stock Portfolio

GREEN BAY, WI -- Talk about embarrassing! Even without opposition in the fall, Republicans just hate getting caught with their hands in the adult-entertainment cookie jar.

McCain Opposes Net Neutrality, Net Taxes

WASHINGTON, DC -- Anyone still wondering how a McCain presidency might affect the technology with which the Republican candidate has demonstrated an astounding lack of familiarity should have found some answers in the technology policy the McCain campaign released August 14th.

Angelina Jolie Picks up Catwoman Tips from Professional Pussy Pal

LOS ANGELES, CA -- She may be recovering from giving birth to two incredibly rich and photogenic offspring, but Angelina Jolie is already thinking about her next motion picture role � and soliciting advice and feedback from close friends, including porn star Tera Patrick.

Judge Says �Tasteless� Boobs on Bikes Can Go Topless Today

AUCKLAND, NEW ZEALAND -- Auckland mayor John Banks thinks that the sight of shirtless women riding motorcycles is absolutely unacceptable. But he can�t find any laws against it � which means that today�s annual Boobs on Bikes will once again titillate, amuse, delight, and infuriate those who see, hear, or think about it.

Staunton Jury No Pushover for the Prosecution

STAUNTON, VA -- Despite impassioned prosecutorial pleas that the jury �throw the book� at the defendants in order to preserve truth, justice and the Puritanical American way, After Hours Video, its owner Rick Krial and store clerk Tinsley William Embrey on Friday escaped an obscenity trial with their lives and only two misdemeanor convictions among them. Embrey was acquitted of the two counts facing him, while Krial and After Hours were convicted of one each. Two other charges resulted in acquittal.

For Sale: Church. Strip Club Owners Need Not Make Offer

NASHVILLE, TN -- Parishioners at Frederick Barr�s Power House Christian Center are looking forward to praising the Lord in a larger building, but first the old building needs to find a new owner. Barr will accept nearly any offer, so long as it doesn�t come from anyone thinking to retrofit the building and turn it into a strip club.

Not Everyone Happy with New Channel Showcasing Canadian Porn

EDMONTON, ALBERTA -- Canadian regulators have approved the launch of a new adult-entertainment pay-television channel. Real Productions Inc., based in Sherwood Park near Edmonton, said at least 50 percent of Northern Peaks� content will originate in Canada. The channel is expected to debut early next year.

Canada to Gain Adult Entertainment Subscription Channel

TORONTO -- Canadians with a lust for lust are sick and tired of investing so heavily in the United States porn market and Northern Peaks has decided to do something about it. Northern Peaks is the newest subscription television channel granted a license to produce digital content for the Canadian market � and the first to promise that it will be of a decidedly adult nature.

Nude Olympians are All the Rage

CYBERSPACE -- The original Olympians competed in the nude, so it�s probably only appropriate that during 2008�s Olympics, the focus of the cybersphere is not on athletic achievement but on what those remarkable athletes are hiding under their uniforms. Photos of female Olympians in the raw are beginning to clutter the Web in record numbers.

Attorney Accuses Red Rose Stories of Inspiring Actual Child Rape

PITTSBURGH, PA -- Special council to the Alliance Defense Fund and former chief obscenity prosecutor for the Justice Department, Pat Trueman, is outraged that Karen Fletcher will not have the opportunity to rot in prison. Although he has no proof to support his claims, Trueman is convinced that the agoraphobic�s website caused real world children to be raped, tortured � and possibly murdered.